The Third Slip: Issue 135 - Stay Hungry Stay Foolish
The Third Slip: Issue 135 - Stay Hungry Stay Foolish
Hello, Slippers! Welcome to The Third Slip - the weekly newsletter that’s like Christopher Columbus - we hop across the world cluelessly, send back reduced news from corners of the world without much context, and take ourselves more seriously than required. But hopefully, we also make the world laugh with/at us.
This is issue 135. 1 3 5 of course, is a simple Arithmetic Progression a welcome contrast to India these days which is seeing an arithmetic regression across the board - most recently in the Global Hunger Index where India is now 103/117 countries. When Steve Jobs said Stay Hungry, Stay foolish we don’t think that’s what he meant. But then, Jobs in India is also questionable. Nonetheless, this is not a cause for concern. It’s merely the result of millennials adopting fads like Intermittent Fasting and drinking bullet-proof coffee. So, let’s get on with the real news from across the world.
It’s not all doom and gloom in the world...
Putting the fun in funeral
One chap hijacked his own funeral with a hilarious “Hello! Let me out of here!” recording which… See for yourself! Good mourning, dear.
Moral fibre
Carlsberg is trying to make paper beer bottles from sustainably sourced wood fibres, an excellent step!
LeBrawn, not LeBrain
Last week, the NBA supported a team owner’s right to free speech, even if that meant pissing China off. This week, LeBron James said in this context that freedom of speech is fine but it should be used in an educated manner, otherwise people will hate on you. So yeah, people are now hating on him. A true prophet of our times.
Bilin’ it on
Simone Biles won her 24th medal - the most by any gymnast, ever. She’s 22!
Carton Network
In an attempt to beat Jennifer Aniston’s Instagram record, a Karnataka college got students to wear cardboard boxes on their heads to prevent cheating in exams - thereby getting everyone to simultaneously make the pun -thinking outside the box. This is so stupid that it’s laugh-worthy.
At Home
Economixup
IMF: India growth projection is downgraded.
India: IMF is anti-national.
WB, RBI, OECD, S&P, ADB, Fitch, Moody’s: We agree with IMF, you’re fucked, bro.
India: All of you are anti-national, projection and growth are western concepts.
IMF: BTW, we’ve downgraded full world’s growth.
India: YAAAY are we better than Pakistan?
Global Hunger Index: Not in food, anyway - you’re worse than all your neighbours.
India: Food is anti-national anyway.
Food Corporation of India: Agreed. * proceeds to let 30% of produce rot *
Well, that blows
FMCG sees its worst rural growth in 7 years, probably because millennial farmers are dying. Those hoping for a Diwali miracle for the economy… Sorry. We’re well and truly in a slowdown if people aren’t blowing up bonuses on shit they don’t need. What most people don’t realise is that this another government masterstroke, this time to protect the environment - this Diwali, crackers won’t be burst only bubbles. Anyway, don’t worry - Niramalaji is hard at work ‘cleaning up Raghuram Rajan & Manmohan’s mess’. As the poet said, Doodh ki safedi, Nirmala se aayi… sabki pasand Nirmala….
Spouse doesn’t espouse
Nirmala Sitharaman’s husband criticized her policies in an editorial. She rebutted “oye we did things ok”. Dinner must have been awkward that night.
Waitlisted
IRCTC did an IPO and got oversubscribed - but that’s leaving Indian Railways pissed, realising it could have got a lot more than just 645 crores. The details are in the excellent newsletter The Nutgraf from The Ken (which you should not download as a PDF and forward, it’s free).
Nobel and Ignoble
Abhijit Bannerjee (and two others) won the Nobel prize for Economics, which would be a #BMKJ moment if he weren’t a JNU alumnus who’s criticized all of Sir’s policies (including demonetization) and helped the Congress formulate NYAY. Predictably, Piyush Goyal - the middle parts of whose first name and surname scream Y?! Y?!, trashed his work, while another saffron supremo mocked the fact that he had a foreign wife (who was one of the co-winners). And they wonder why scholars move abroad.
Recite/Incite
A Headmaster was suspended in UP after the VHP found out he played a religious prayer in school. An… Urdu one. By the same poet who gave us Saare Jahan Se Acha. “Western Standards on Human Rights Can't Be Blindly Applied to India” - our home minister. Whatever.
Petri-fying
Kashmir is probably just BJP testing “how far can we push this”? A petri dish of cultural conditioning if you will. Be scared.
After 40 days (and goodness knows how many years) the SC still won’t give us an opinion on the Ayodhya dispute. The Muslim side is almost “Yeah just do whatevs man”.
Western standards on human rights can't be blindly applied to India: Amit Shah. Forget slow-boiling the frog, it’s the deep-frying season!
Don’t give us any money!
The TTS is basically 1/IRCTC because we’re perpetually undersubscribed. To keep our train going, we would surely like more subscribers. So this week, we have a favour to ask - no, not money. Just subscribers. If you like reading The Third Slip share a screenshot of your favourite on your Instagram stories and ask your friends to sign up. You can tag us @chuckofalltrades and @notytony.
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International
Lon-notquite-done yet
For a brief while, it looked like the impossible could happen - that Brexit could actually happen after Boris struck a deal with the EU. His parliamentarians, however, gave him a lulz meaning he’ll need to beg for another extension. Theresa May, one assumes, is laughing her guts out. Even if it does happen, it still doesn’t take away from the fundamental fact that Brexit is disastrous for the country, Europe and the world.
The Trump Dump (sigh… someday this will stop)
Even by Trump standards, he was unhinged this week, one in which he wrote ‘Don’t be a fool!’ to another leader in an official letter and pretty much supported ethnic cleansing. His recklessness in Syria last week has let ISIS prisoners walk free, a la Azkaban, and was best summed up by The Onion: “Jubilant ISIS Prisoners Hail American Liberators”. (though some European countries are trying to catch them).
Syria’s C funding
Even fans of war think the whole Syria troop withdrawal is a bad idea, his own supporters end up making things worse for him, and unlikely bipartisan coalitions try to undo the diplomatic damage to America as the painful march towards impeachment continues. Though it might not matter, economists have projected Trump will win easily in 2020, by a bigger margin, thanks to the economy. It also doesn’t help that the Dems are pooping all over themselves in the debates, using these strange things called ‘facts’. In all this, Russia’s winning. Somehow.
Chinese whispers
After pretending to be interested in Modi, Xi promptly went over to Nepal to convince them to look beyond India bond and warned that any attempt to split China would result in “crushed bodies and shattered bones." in an obvious reference to HK.
Present tense
Still on: Amazon fires | Catalonia independence fighting | Protests in HK & Haiti | News that a recession is coming | Bonus: protest in Lebanon because the government wants to tax Whatsapp calls.
Automorebile
Cars ain’t going anywhere - in fact, ownership in the US is increasing. According to Nirmalonomics, there are no millennials there, we guess.
Click bait
This delightful photo won the Wildlife Photographer of the Year contest.
Tech cetera
They’ve got some pluck
Yay private equity! WeWork started the year looking like it’d crush it to 50b. Now it looks like it won’t survive the year. Our reaction is the same as that partly translated children’s French song goes “Valuator, gentle valuator… valuator, I will pluck your head”
Fake up and smell the coffee
Facebook refused to take down ‘fake’ political advertising, so Elizabeth Warren ran an ad claiming Zuck supported Trump. What a legend! But it opens up a debate - should FB police political ads? Will that lead to a more China-like internet? The best solution might be for FB to not accept political ads at all (which has its own problems) and stay in liberals’ good books by doing things like donating lots of money for teachers’ housing.
LinkedOut: The best things we read this week
Fantastic: The 36 lines of code that changed everything.
Facebook introducing a ‘Content Supreme Court’ is a genuinely good idea, as many people have said.
Edison’s greatest invention? Not the lightbulb, but R&D.
Ummm… The ‘equal to’ sign might be on its way out…
Meet one of the Indian Greta Thunbergs!
That’s it for this week. If you’d like to get in touch with us, we’re on Twitter (Chuck | Tony). Or you can reach us on good ol’ email. Until next week, may your beers always be poured perfectly, with just the perfect amount of barm on top. Bye!