The Third Slip: Issue 134 - Plogging a dead horse
Hello, Slippers! Welcome to The Third Slip - the weekly newsletter that is the online version of plogging. We run across the world, pick up trash masquerading as news, package it all in a clearly inferior plastic bag, and ask people to validate us for the effort.
This is issue 134. Which means, if instead of writing TTS for so long we had used the same computing power to mine cryptocurrency, we would have made at least 100 bitcoins. Which would have made us millionaires. Then again, it might have given us nothing, depending on which side of the bed Bitcoin woke up on, or if it had coffee that morning. Or, we might have ended up in jail depending on the law of the land. But why do all that when we can have outcomes 2 and 3 just by bringing you the news...
Tech cetera
Surreal estate
This is, without doubt, the headline of the week: “The court allowed the FCC to kill net neutrality because washing machines can’t make phone calls”
Can’t clear browser history
Andy Rubin, the guy who made Android, developed a new phone, and it’s encouraging that publications are ignoring it, after his sexual misconduct at Google.
Do no, evil?
iTunes is dead, finally. So is Google’s soul, as news emerged this week it contributes to climate change deniers, and also removing an app that helped Hong Kong activists (read on to see why China is a bully).
Comfortably number
Just when you think Big Tech couldn’t do anything worse - news broke that Twitter collected phone numbers for two-factor authentication and used it for... surprise surprise... advertising.
At Home
Life's a beach
So, while Sir was picking up strategically placed waste from Mamallapuram beach, what was happening with other poor mammals in the country?
The BJP member who sent a truck to murder his rape victim’s family has been cleared of all charges.
SBI waives off 77k crores worth of loans from 200+ defaulters. This is not some concocted stat like ‘Virat Kohli and us together have captained India for 50 tests’. Each of said defaulters owe more than Rs 100 crore each.
BSNL might shut down, as the company has no money to pay its employees.
Hobson’s democracy
In Kashmir, you’ll have democracy whether you like it or not. No, really. The Block Development Council elections have been announced and those leaders who are not under detention have boycotted it. Except for the BJP. Such commitment to democracy is most admirable. Meanwhile, everything is super okay for people in Kashmir. In fact, there’s so much innovation now. Look at what all a simple lady needs to do to get regular medicine - a heartbreaking story. But at least postpaid phone connections will be restored from Monday. Bliss.
Pace and spin
The recent Indian transformation of being a complete pace and spin attack surely has its origins in its new fathers of the nation. Putting some magical spin, our Law minister told us there is no economic slowdown as movies are making 100 crores. Can’t argue with that logic because there isn’t any.
On the other Hand...
Congress ka haath… Each time you resent your parents for limiting your career choices to something conventional, be thankful you’re not Rahul Gandhi who clearly has no interest in politics but is forced into it. While the nation is calling out for a strong opposition, RaGa is going to Cambodia for a meditation camp. Okay then. Hopefully someone can make a coming-of-age movie about him and further save the economy.
Any way the Arvind blows…
Kejriwal was disallowed permission to attend the Copenhagen climate change conference, so he simply video-conned in. The BJP filed a complaint anyway. Undeterred, Kejru went on to make a law protecting street vendors from eviction. What a guy!
4Ging a legacy
Jio destroys the telecom sector and now realises it’s in deep poop itself. TL;DR: TRAI stood by and watched while Jio screwed other TelCos over, now it decided to backtrack and Jio is posting ugly breakup screenshots.
Jetsetters
We have Rafale jets, which are now safe to use. Not because Modiji overpaid for good French tech, but because Rajnathji nimbu-mirchi-ed them.
Lynchpin
RSS’ chief told us lynchings are a western concept. Thankfully, so is malaria. And wearing brown shorts. And Fascism. And ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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International stuff
Whodunit?
"I don't know where the limits are, but l would like to go there" Who said it? It was Eliud Kipchoge who broke the 2 hour mark for a marathon this Saturday, but it sounds like it could be Donald Trump who is breaking all sorts of barriers of sanity but is still somehow POTUS.
Cold Turkey
Just to show he can be evil and not just plain stupid, Trump betrayed the Kurds in Syria who helped fight ISIS which has led to (long story short) Turkey airstriking them, forcing them to flee their land. After which, Trump said he’d wipe out Turkey’s economy if they attack. Confused? Don’t worry - so is everyone. This is a move that many Trump allies, some FOX News hosts & Breitbart writers oppose, and could lead to another rising of ISIS. Just know he said this: “I, in my great and unmatched wisdom”.
Bully in a China shop
China’s a bully - it ostracizes companies who don’t recognize Taiwan & HK as its regions, for instance (both Apple & Android pulled an app that helped HK protestors). This week things went from 2 to 3 points when an NBA team owner tweeted in support of HK independence… After which China pulled the plug on the league’s broadcast in a lucrative market, and it’s likely to be a sore point during the US-China trade war discussions which were actually kinda going nicely. Anyway, South Park did a nice potshot (freethrow?), which you can see here.
Meddle East
Saudi women can now serve in the army… Perhaps MBS feels using them to kill dissident journalists will come across as more progressive? Also, Iran’s women can now watch football matches. To continue the middle-east football theme, here’s an investigation to workers in Qatar dying, working in 45C heat (the Athletics World Championships in Doha had terrible turnout because of the heat. Ominous much?)
Music-ally
Trump shared a meme and Twitter took it down because Nickelback complained, claiming copyright violation. The world, ladies and gentlemen. Maybe they can create a hate-free timeline - a Wonderwall?
Someone remixed Greta Thunberg’s impassionate “Right Here, Right Now” into Fatboy Slim’s song of the same name and the musician played it live! Epic.
Doesn’t ring no bell
Nobel prizes were awarded for work in cosmology, battery development, figuring out how cells work and brokering peace between war-torn nations, but nobody knows this because the world was tripping out over some stupid social media app changing its fucking colour.
Company = CO = Carbon Monoxide = Pollution
Here are the top 20 polluting companies in the world. No ad agency features despite the massive amounts of gas produced.
Hope
Gunmetal
Dick's Sporting Goods turned nearly $5 million worth of guns into scrap metal rather than sending them back to manufacturers.
Mayor may not work
Mayors around the world came together in Copenhagen to promise they’d fight climate change in their cities. Copenhagen itself aims to be the world’s first carbon-neutral capital by 2025. The authors have considered moving to Scandinavia, but then TTS will just be 2 paras long each week :( So we’re staying here for you.
LinkedOut: The best things we read this week
A hilarious and insightful read by marketing prof Scott Galloway on the bullshit that some people try to sell at the stock market.
A beautiful read about how lots of technology is not ‘inevitable’ - something that Silicon Valley likes telling us.
So, is it okay to film during a live performance? No says heart, but yes says ticket sales.
Increasingly, people are feeling that college education is not needed for success. Who’s the country that feels least this way? You know the answer.
We said it once above and we’ll say it again - China is forcing tech to kowtow to it. What a bully!
That’s it for this week. If you’d like to get in touch with us, we’re on Twitter (Chuck | Tony). Or you can reach us on good ol’ email. Until next week, may your lazy writing always be perceived as funny and not offensive. Bye!