The Third Slip: Issue 132 - For Ukraine out loud!
Hello, Slippers! Welcome to The Third Slip - the weekly newsletter that is like a margarita on a hot Sunday - it’s not healthy for you, but despite its toxic elements it puts you in a good mood temporarily, sometimes leaves a sour aftertaste, and is definitely best taken with a pinch of salt on the rim of the glass. This is issue 132, or as our Hindi speaking friends would say 1 3 2. You didn't read that in Hindi did you? You antinational clown. Must we do everything for you? Fine. Ek teen do.
Surprisingly, this was also the prayer made by scientists to the universe to get their message across to the world on climate change. “Hey Universe! Hum toh sirf data-wala, aap hi hai sab dene wala. Bas, ye message send karne ko Ek Teen Do”. And thus emerged sixteen year old superhero Greta Thunberg, who basically challenged world leaders to the ultimate game of Truth or Dare on climate change, and they chose dare. And we know how sacrosanct the rules of this game are. Might as well laugh along to the end of the world. On with the news...
At Home
Taxes hold em poker
Nirmala Sitharaman did something and the stock market rejoiced. That itself should leave you gripping your seats. The corporate tax rate cut seems to have sparked enough joy, but there are several questions. Primarily: Who’s going to foot the bill? If you’re still confused, The Ken has broken it down brilliantly while also somehow invoking Dravid in their lovely weekly newsletter The Nutgraf (not to be confused with The Grafnut - the crazy Steffi Graf fan who stabbed Monica Seles). Secondly - this is not going to help boost demand, which is still low, ostensibly thanks to millennials. Still, enough optics for Modi to portray this as a win.
No shit, Sherlock
Whether you agree with the Gates Foundation’s Global Gatekeeper award for PM Modi for making India Open-Defecation-Free or not, or whether the data on ODF actually supports the claim, the fact remains the the PR has been good enough to make people believe that 100% of India uses toilets. So much so that even its economy has gone down one of these. But what this sanitation claim will never report is the shameful practice of manual scavenging causing multiple Dalit deaths. Actually, on that count we are defecation-free, nobody gives a shit.
Putting the topic in dystopic
Imagine being suspended and jailed for going beyond the call of duty to save children while the state machinery was, to use the technical term, standing around scratching its balls. 2 years later, the court has cleared Dr. Kafeel Khan of medical negligence but his suspension is still in place. In unrelated news, the complainant of a rape case against BJP leader Chinmayanand has been arrested. This is slightly better than being hit with a truck one supposes. Oh well, at least the nation is progressing.
Hindusight bias
After realising the NRC might actually leave out Hindus instead of Muslims, the BJP is scrambling to fix things. Hilarious. And tragic. Meanwhile, detention centres are underway. Imagine building your own prison. That’s exactly how some workers in India feel right now, and no - that is not an allegory to corporate life.
Silent Valley
For the first time in recent history, things have been absolutely fine in Kashmir for a record 8 consecutive weeks now! Tremendous. How do we know? Well, if something was wrong we would have seen/heard about it no? Don’t be stupid.
Free speech, costly trade
Modi Rally happened (where there were protestors, and Hasan Minhaj was denied entry even as he was being celebrated on screen) with record crowds and Donald Trump calling Modi the greatest thing since sliced apple pie. And Modi saying Trump was the greatest Donald since Bradman. But, off screen the trade deal fell through. It’s almost like you can’t trust a selfish pathological liar anymore.
Bachiller of Technology
IIT will allow exiting to a less stressful 3-year degree program. Also, Manipur might legalise weed! Much needed, we say.
Buy us a margarita mix!
It turns out that once you try to speak truths that are against populist governments people want to find out who is funding you. If no one is funding you, then they assume you are clinically insane. This puts us in an awkward position and so we’d rather be funded by someone than declared clinically insane. Help The Third Slip maintain its sanity - contribute to us on Patreon.
International stuff
Orange & (im)peach
Just one story here: After 3 years of getting away with impunity, Trump might finally get impeached! Proceedings have started, after a whistleblower let everyone know The Tangerine Turd was trying to bribe Ukraine’s new president to dig up dirt on chief challenger Joe Biden. Should Trump be impeached? Yes. Does impeachment mean he’s no longer President? Not exactly. Is this likely to be a long drawn-out painful process whose only outcome is great late-night comedy? Definitely. Is he running Impeachment Defence Fund ads riddled with hilarious typos? You already know.
Didn’t Kiev In
Gotta feel for Ukraine’s president though. He’s a comedian-turned-politician who had his moment of virality over the last weekend with this hilarious presentation including a Whatsapp chat between various countries. Now, as he might be responsible for bringing down a president, some naughty people have changed his name from Volodymyr Zelensky to Monica Zelensky. We admit, that’s better than our tortured Hell Vol-hard Zelensky reaction pun.
Climatic!
There’s a global uprising against climate change inaction - clearly the biggest we’ve seen so far. You can tell it's significant when idiots start abusing a 16-year-old activist (who has shown amazing poise, turning Trump’s mockery into her Twitter bio). With all this uprising, 60 countries said “yeah, we’ll get to zero emissions” but USA, China & India said “Nah, we’ll pass”. The former might be easier said than implemented.
Blanc Check
Greta Thunberg’s ability to change the world can be described literally and figuratively as a snowflake’s chance in hell. Here’s your weekly climate change apocalyptic report, climate change cultural icon Mont Blanc (mountain, not pen - collapsing) and Smoky Region Of The Week winner (Indonesia).
Worldwide Poll Dance Championship Updates
Afghanistan is having its 4th elections. What? Afghanistan has elections?!
Israel’s Netanyahu went from winner to loser to winner. Coalition politics FTW.
Slovakia’s has a new President - its first woman president, and also an environmentalist.
Austria’s 33-year-old chancellor held a snap election because his coalition allies were a little too extreme for him. Now he leads in the polls and might make a coalition with the same party. Go figure.
Undercooked
Thousands got stranded as UK travel giant Thomas Cook suddenly collapsed. Apparently, the Indian version is a different entity and is safe.
Tehran with it
Iran released a British tanker which it had seized two months ago. This is the backstory which combines - as always, geopolitics, oil and stupidity.
It never Boris us
Brexit is… We’re so tempted to get into the details, but it won’t matter next week. Suffice it to say Great Britain still provides global comic relief.
Kenya deal with it?
Interestingly, the first world global poverty conference will be held in a slum in Kenya.
Tech
Beddy Bear
Among the most interesting brand extensions of all time, Casper Mattresses launched CBD Gummies that’ll help you sleep better. Genius.
Echo-chamber
Amazon had an event and they put Echo and Alexa into a whole bunch of crap (including a ring), but put no sustainability into their future plans.
Civil engineering
Facebook, continuing its damage control, met with many civil rights leaders. Hopefully, it’ll lead to something more than a nice press release. It also bought a brain-scanning tech company, something less sinister than it sounds.
Release Me
Xiaomi has a new phone that’s pretty much screen all the way through, Tesla made a million-mile battery, Facebook’s VR device Oculus is getting hand tracking and an online gaming network, and Google is introducing a “Google Play Pass”
New number who dis?
Google doesn’t need to implement “Right to be forgotten” anywhere apart from Europe.
LinkedOut: The best things we read this week
Looks like reality is finally catching up to Softbank. About time.
A look at how China is using TikTok to crack down on its ethnic minorities (after all, Beijing pretty much has the company by its family jewels).
Greta Thunberg has become a celebrity, bringing with it, h8. One TTS co-author wrote about why criticising Greta for allegedly being an ‘actor’ is missing the point entirely.
The most tragic thing you’ll hear this week: A man drowned while doing an underwater proposal.
An excellent point of view: All of India will never embrace Hindi until there is an economic incentive to.
That’s it for this week. If you’d like to get in touch with us, we’re on Twitter (Chuck | Tony). Or you can reach us on good ol’ email. Until next week, may your home always become messy because many fun things happened inside it.
