The Third Slip: Issue 128 - e-merging economy
Hello, Slippers! Welcome to The Third Slip - the weekly newsletter that's like Akshay Kumar starring in every biopic - clearly ill-equipped to handle the role, there really should be someone else doing this, but no issue is missed and it's cringe-inducingly funny. Hey, as long as you're smiling do the means really matter?
This is issue 128 for the week beginning 1st of September. September, of course, comes from the Greek Sept meaning 7. But it's actually the 9th month in our calendars because everyone knows the first two months don't count because you're too busy being happy to do anything meaningful. Just like the first two paras in this newsletter. Let's get on with the news. March!
India
Auspicious beginning
In India, these ten days mark the occasion when we celebrate Ganapathi. Unlike in the US, where, throughout the year, they celebrate Gun-apathy. The Ganesh festival is starting to go green, and there are a lot of eco-friendly idols this time around. Yes, this is actually a rare piece of good news from us!
Na tree swathanthryam arhati
In a microcosm of what’s happening in Brazil, 3000 trees in Mumbai’s Aarey colony are going to be cut - despite the best efforts of activists and protests.
Warrant peace
In a superb comedy of errors that showed us in great detail how useless Indian media is, a judge was misquoted as asking Vernon Gonsalves why he kept a copy of War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy whereas he was referring to a different book. In a superb tragedy of errors, the activists in the incident have been locked up for a year now with no evidence against them. Good time to remember how UAPA was strengthened earlier this year. Gulp.
Check, please
Thousands of restaurants pulled out of Zomato Gold to combat ‘discount addiction’. Your weekly reminder that TTS will never do shady things like discounts - instead we will just resort to begging you to support us on Patreon. We will only use it for beer or to get out of jail if someone locks us up. Ale-money or Bail-money. Go for it.
Rest in peace
Arun Jaitley was the man who backed Narendra Modi and brought him to the forefront of the BJP when he had nothing going for him. But let's not speak ill of the dead. He was every non-BJP person's favourite BJP person, a man who upheld the law, and a deft cricket administrator and now has a stadium named after him.
A.hole is greater than Assam of its parts
What’s the NRC? Well, there’s lots of noise - so here’s a fact check about some myths and an explainer. TL;DR - it’s another classic Modi government move - something that’s not a BJP creation but they have rushed in where others feared to tread and they are likely to end up with egg on their face while troubling millions of Indians.
Banker's Dozen
GDP growth is at its worst in 5 years, but it’s not Modiji’s fault because he inherited a terrible econ… Oh wait, where was the updated book of excuses? Meanwhile, we’ve moved from being an emerging economy to being a merging economy - into 12 PSU banks, there are some sensible moves (trying to woo American companies away from China) while others are purely for optics (relaxing FDI rules), and there’s a massive shot in the arm (twisting) as RBI gives 1.76 lakh crores to the government. Will it fix the economy. LOL so much hope you have. At least we have a strong and smart oppos… never mind.
Home is where the heartache is
It seems we don’t need no lynching law, and everything’s okay and normal in Kashmir. Maybe that’s why kids need mental health aid, and the opposition is turned away at the airport.
International
Gee, Seven Sins?
The meeting of the most powerful countries devolved into a “how do we deal with idiots running the planet” session accomplishing little else. Starting with trying to get one of their own - Trump, of course - to speak to Iran (who said no thanks), end a trade war with China (which he did. Or didn’t. Or did again) and not interfere in Kashmir. Indeed, Trump seemed more interested in getting the next G7 to his own resort in Miami. After dealing with their own spoilt baby, they put together a (shamefully small) aid package to help fight Amazon forest fires, which Brazil’s nutjob president Bolsanaro rejected, saying “colonialism!” (He proceeded to make fun of Macron’s wife before accepting the aid). G7 is outdated.
Wild Boris, by Toutatis!
Slimy bugger, that Boris Johnson! Everyone thought the new UK PM was a bumbling idiot - but he schemed ruthlessly to suspend parliament, meaning the best Brexit debates will now happen in pubs (where, to be fair, they probably already were). This should not be surprising - John Oliver has this fabulous dissection of the “British Trump”. This whole thing also threw up debates about how useless the Queen actually is (h8ers will say ‘non partisan’, but really, that’s the same thing). Anyway, this doesn’t change anything - Brexit will happen, the UK will be screwed, then, slowly, everyone else. ‘Cus globalization.
J&J: The tears start now.
The US has been facing a massive opioid crisis in the last few years - and a lot of it is down to aggressive, unethical sales tactics of drug companies. That’s set to change - Purdue & Teva have already been fined, the billionaire promoters of the former are being publicly shamed, and this week, J&J (yes, the makers of your cuddly baby oil) was fined half a b. Before you make jokes about how executives can use their own aspirin, they might not need to - stocks soared, investors expected fines 4 times larger. Oh well, at least it’s something.
Go Jakarting
A look at how Indonesia is trying to relocate its capital from the sinking, earthquake-prone Jakarta.
In-death analysis
Another week and… More Israel-bombing-Palestine, more Hong Kong protests (boy, they really don’t want China to take over), more inhuman treatment of refugees, another stupid Trump statement (let’s nuke storms!), another horrible Trump policy (let’s relax methane emissions!), another Trump aide quitting (er, fired), more Ebola outbreaks, more China-Hong Kong protests, another massive hurricane… And the first crime in space! And remember - that’s just this week! Too bad that massive asteroid is just going to miss the planet - might as well just finish things off mercifully.
The Still Alive Section
Chicken out
KFC is rolling out meatless chicken in one outlet, and it sold out in 5 minutes. We’ll need this. Those Amazon fires are largely driven by capitalism and the love of beef.
Faschism
One down… Italy came to its senses and (long story short) have a new government that threw the far-right xenophobes out of power. Italy of all countries. LOL. What next, they'll play attacking football?
Reefurbishment
Some volcanic rock floating around Australia is giving hope that the Reef can be replenished.
Nomohomophobia
Researchers concluded that there is no ‘gay gene’ - hopefully paving the way for some to finally agree that being gay/lesbian is, indeed, natural. Now if only science can put an end to the flat-earth theory also…
Toil-e-tries
It's going to take a lot of toil and effort to reduce the reliance on plastic. If policy won’t, consumer-sensitive private industry might. Marriott is trying to reduce plastics by having larger bottles for toiletries.
Thaw thweet
It's hard to see a silver lining in climate change, but then the ice melts and you can see everything it was preserving… Glacial archaeology!
That's all Fox
Okay, this is amazing. Fox News started fawning over Trump a little less, and that was enough for L’Orange to say the channel “isn’t working for us anymore”. See this Fox anchor’s incredible response.
Tech cetera
Parenthal guidance
While we should invest in the Amazon (forest) for our future (time scale), Amazon (company) is investing in Future (group). (We don’t care about that news, we just wanted to say that line). (Also there's nothing funnier than explaining the joke and multiple parentheses).
NextGen Technology
Speaking of China - its teens are shifting from WeChat to Douyin (their version of TikTok). One of the reasons? The older generation is getting onto WeChat. That sounds familiar.
No strings attached
There’s a new Wifi standard coming. It won’t affect your everyday life much, but if you’re interested, here’s the lowdown on Wifi 6 (or 802.11ax, if you want to be pedantic about it).
Don't shoot the messenger
Ooooh. Facebook is telling political advertisers to not be naughty and all. And they might roll out yet another messaging app…
Hackjack - a little sweet a little salty
It turns out iPhones can be hacked too. Poor Apple fans, they’ll no longer be able to enjoy the view from that high horse of theirs. If you enjoy high-profile hacking news… The CEO of Twitter got, well, jacked.
How long is forever?
Did you know Forever 21 was going bankrupt? Here are a few reasons why - if you’re an MBA student, quickly read, this is “case study” material stuff.
That’s it for this week. If you’d like to get in touch with us, we’re on Twitter (Chuck | Tony). Or you can reach us on good ol’ email. Until next week, may your eyeliner/beard (or both) always be symmetrical on both sides.