The Third Slip: Issue 127 - We need bigger tree, not bigotry
Hello, Slippers! Welcome to The Third Slip - the weekly newsletter that weakly tries to put the news together while clumsily reinterpreting letters and words to twist your upper lip into a smile or a grimace. But we know by now that real joy is often concealed so we’re not solely focussed on if mirth emanates from your lips. As the poet said, zindagi mouth na ban jaye sambhalo yaaron!
This is issue 127 - in a week in which the world looks like a quintessential scene written and directed by Quentin Tarantino - a Mexican Standoff of hypocrisy where China points a gun at India on Kashmir while Russia points to its standoff in Hong Kong, while US points to the Russian autocracy and annexation of several territories while everyone points a laughter gun at the US for being a paragon of virtue on how to treat other nations. Oh hey, how’s that Greenland purchase working out for you? Meanwhile, the world itself is trying to rid itself of humans with a climate apocalypse so we may not be around to see the bloody climax. Let’s get into it…
A song of ice and fire
Our planet is very very screwed: Climate Edition
Die of cold? (3,4)
It turns out all those annoying scientists were indeed wrong about climate change: It’s worse than they thought. Indeed, Greenland lost 197 billion tons of ice. In July alone! To put it in context, that's enough ice for 1489 trillion whiskeys assuming you add 4 ice cubes per drink. Or, if you are to use the American system, that’s the equivalent of 2.03 trillion rappers named Ice Cube. No, we’re not ridiculous, climate change is. And there are fires in the Arctic - who knew that was even possible? The Himalayas are melting too - not good.
Liar Liar Plants are on Fire
The Amazon (vital to maintaining our ecosystem) is burning, thanks to a reckless development-happy president who says NGOs are starting the fires to make him look bad, ignoring the fact that São Paulo was dark at 3 PM. Meanwhile The Third Slip’s enquiry to the Brazil government on whether they intentionally set fire because Amazon sounds like Am-arson did not receive a response. Typical.
Reds alert
Things are so bad that even Russia, affected by fires & floods, has to contend that climate change is real (maybe they could use some of that propaganda expertise to knock some sense into America?)
No chip on our shoulder
And we won’t even have bananas during the end of the world. That sound you hear is the collective groan from Malayalees across the world.
Rubbing salt into it
Mumbai is opening up its salt pans for “development” - even Kerala’s new port is going to damage the local ecology. I mean, now that the floods for the year are over and all we can get back to the business of laying waste to our land.
Fossil watch
But hey, at least some melting glaciers are capturing CO2 (but no, that won’t save us) and one of the most prominent climate change deniers (David Koch) and fossil fuel enthusiasts is dead or as he would like to see it - a fuel for fossil now.
A feast for crows
Our planet is very very screwed: Economic Edition
That’s the way the cookie crumbles
Missed the last recession? Don’t worry - a new one is coming. We in India won’t be too affected, though we’re facing a slowdown. How do we know this you ask? Because the finance minister said we’re not facing a slowdown (we are). Proof? Parle is laying off thousands because of slow sales of a 5 rupee biscuit. TTS promises not to lay off any of its workers (as does Rajiv Bajaj, in a scathing statement where he lambasts his own industry). Anyway, the FinMin is trying to boost growth.
Putting the F in escalate - Fiscal Fate
And to fan the flames, Trump is escalating his trade war with China, who is only too happy to retaliate in kind (which will end up biting everyone in their behinds). Trump, by the way, promised economic records and on that he delivered: The deficit is closing in on $1 trillion this fiscal year.
Brexpect no patronums
And of course, while we’re laughing at it now, a no-deal Brexit means (in order) Britons will be screwed, then the rest of the world.
A Game of Thrones
The planet is very very screwed: Political Edition (this is a doozy)
Dane hai to De, varna kat le
Trump is angry at Denmark because they refused to let him “buy” Greenland (!!). He anyway proclaimed himself the Chosen One. He continues his assault on immigrants, potential ones, inspires people to commit crimes against them, even exterminate them (even though they might be the key to a shrinking economy). How does he sleep at night? Maybe with those nice massages the NRA’s giving his balls.
Putting the tanker in cantankerous
You might have heard ‘Iran tanker’, ‘Strait of Hormuz’, ‘US-Iran nuclear deal’ and ‘Trump idiot’ at various points over the last year. Here’s an excellent primer of the whole thing and how, as always, Trump is finding various ways to start World War 3.
Crossing a line
Speaking of immigrants (long breath): India might make millions ‘illegal migrants’ (especially Muslims - surprise!); some Libyans are stranded on a boat as Italy refuses to save them; Myanmar still treats Rohingya like a disease; Syrians trying to not die are being kicked out of Turkey. This is what happens when that kid in school who walks away with the ball because he owns it but is not being allowed to score goals runs the world.
Swastika masala
In view of all the dystopia doing the rounds recently, Nazi Germany has been invoked more than ever before. Guess what, a Nuremberg Prosecutor thinks we’re committing crimes against humanity. He should know a thing or two about that.
Seoul crushing
When sensible countries fight, it’s somehow additionally worrying: Japan & South Korea still are miffed at each other. Just like India and Pakist… Oh, we said ‘sensible’. (After all, Pak is now recruiting its friends to enter J&K).
Missileaneous
Oh look, the US is now testing missiles enough for Russia & China to get spooked and complain to the UN. Like when a backbencher complains to class monitor that topper is writing in red pen? Like that, but annihilation.
A dream of spring
The hope section
Cry me a river
Iceland holds a funeral for its first glacier lost due to climate change. Can we all just… Hug that part of the world?
Arab me the right way
Peace in Sudan and peace (Well, the lack of bombings, anyway) in Syria. Saudi Arabia now allows women to travel without permission. It’s amazing we live in a world where this needs to actually be celebrated.
Foreign handshake
India’s rep to the UN had this wonderful response when asked about Pakistan.
We are Pro Bono, U2?
The Dropkick Murphys played a private concert on the lawns of a 3-year old cancer patient & The Foo Fighters invited a 5-year old onto stage. Music and musicians will get us through these hard times.
It’s not pocket science: If there’s nothing else, remember, we still have Kerala. Where gender-neutral school uniforms are now a thing. Proper pockets for everyone!
The winds of winter
"Yaar world might end but India will survive we’re the gr8est”
Remember, we haven’t used the term ‘BJP’ till now in this newsletter.)
Lunar love good
To start off on a positive note, Chandraayan 2 is turning out to be a better sequel than The Matrix, Coca-Cola and UPA. Of course, it’s just a matter of time before someone from the HRD says this was possible only due to science from the vedas.
Putting the shhhh! in Kashmir
“Everything’s fine in Kashmir!” - BJP | “Not really” - people in Kashmir, Indian photographers, foreign correspondents.
Having a blast
The BJP is trying to let the Malegaon blast people off (remember, an accused terrorist got elected from Bhopal) and pushing for rules to drop cases against its leaders. Feels like Orwell should have written a book about all this.
Jail hind
Then it clarified that citizens left out of the NRC will not go to jail at once, a clarification which is as reassuring as your spouse saying “if you finish watching the season without me, it’s not like I’ll file for divorce immediately”.
In the trend it doesn’t even matter
The BJP arm-twisted the CBI and its other cronies to ensure the ex FinMinister, P Chidambaram, got arrested. No sympathies for the corrupt, but we just love how the BJP gets the news cycle diverted from questions of national importance. This could probably be the first government run using, what digital marketers call, a social media calendar.
A dance with the dragon’s den
Tech & Biz stuff
Delivering promises
America might not trust them anymore, but India loves tech platforms: Swiggy’s the only Indian brand in the top 5 most trusted in a tech-dominated list.
Q for quit it
Everyone’s cutting back the sugar: Android’s not going to be using desserts for its operating system anymore. Good, this will finally keep Bengalis pitching for Android Rosagulla quiet.
Diss this disinformation
Facebook is finally hiring actual journalists to curate news and will soon allow you to clear your history; YouTube & Twitter are both cracking down on Chinese disinformation about Hong Kong.
Tech it with a pinch of salt
But enough of Big Tech doing good: Google’s telling its employees what it can and can’t discuss at work, FB’s shoving FB down Instagram’s throat, Twitter’s actually coaching Chinese officials, and all the hate speech is now on a far-right social media platform called Gab.
Web of deception
In case you’re wondering what the whole Marvel vs Sony involving Spider-Man is about. At least we have Matrix 4.
A cache of links
LinkedOut
TikTok is a wake-up call for Silicon Valley and not because of its silly videos. Aaaaand viral cat video of the week (did we say video? We meant Tiktok).
Some people are cheering for a recession saying it’ll be the end of Trump. Bad logic.
New Newspeak: Amazingly, fake copies of 1984 are being circulated online, some even being sold on Amazon.
Please please can food tech quickly figure out meatless meat so that we can have our burgers & steak with less guilt and the planet can breathe easier?
Here’s a wild way to save capitalism: Pay people more.
Amit Varma on his podcast with the most essential episode on Kashmir and Article 370. Don’t miss this.
While on podcasts, the authors of this newsletter were together on this week’s Simblified where we try to explain and get you hooked to crosswords. Check it out :)
We know it’s been a hard week - so take solace in the fact that:
TTS will be summarizing the news till we all die together <3. (You can support us here)
There is an Air Guitar championship in (of course) Finland. From the site: “The purpose of the Air Guitar World Championships is to promote world peace. According to the ideology of the competition, wars would end, climate change stop and all the bad things disappear, if all the people in the world played the Air Guitar.”. Rock on, we say!
That’s it for this week. If you’d like to get in touch with us, we’re on Twitter (Chuck | Tony). Or you can reach us on good ol’ email. Until next week, may you find the pluck to air guitar everywhere.
