The Third Slip: Issue 124 - Face the Misik
Hello, Slippers! Welcome to The Third Slip - the weekly newsletter that is like a friendship day WhatsApp message - it tries to be unnecessarily profound, is unintentionally funny, you’re not really friends with the person who sent it to you, and you promptly consign it to the digital dustbin of disgrace.
This is issue 124, and one that shall be known in history as the issue when this newsletter attempted to be ahead of its time. Since all experts are wrong all the time with their predictions, we at TTS have decided to preemptively coin the word that sets the mood of the next decade - Shahdenfreude: That look of smug, sanctimonious self-satisfaction on the face of our home minister when any of a handful of MPs stand up to express their pained objection against a newfangled law knowing full well that it will be bulldozed through both houses. You think this is a subversion of due process in Indian democracy? Wait till Amit Shah becomes Prime Minister 10 years from now.
Universal disclaimer
Please add “allegedly” before every word in this newsletter.
In India
House of cards
We interrupt our regular programming to bring you this public health announcement: before you sit down to use any of the ubiquitous public toilets, please make sure you first look out for the Indian Economy because that’s where it was last seen. We expected a full house with the strong government, and instead, seem to have gotten a royal flush. The series of ingenious bold moves and reforms have slowed down the Indian economy (not our words, this is from the NITI Aayog CEO) drastically. All experts and industries are talking about this openly now, and that means there is no respite in sight. But, as someone pointed out on twitter, we have grown from the 5th largest economy to the 7th largest economy. Meanwhile, the founder of CCD killed himself, succumbing to pressures from creditors and frustration of doing business in India. RIP, sir. A lot did happen over coffee.
Unnao Or Never
Imagine being so drastically evil and so blatantly culpable that the BJP in UP expels an MLA who had the blessings of Yogi Adityanath. Every detail of the Unnao case - the rape, the killing of the victim's family by the establishment, the constant harassment, the refusal from authorities to heed pleas for help, the non carriage of petitions to the CJI, and the final use of a truck to attempt to eliminate the victim - is bone-chilling, and points to deep-rooted rot in our democracy. One would imagine that only the dirty get ahead in such a system, that the sewers are the source of our great leaders. There’s nothing to say or do really. It’s all business as usual.
Regression to the mean
It’s 2019, and we still have draconian laws and are opting to add more such legislations. So many steps backwards to be nasty. Last week, 50 intellectuals and scholars wrote a letter to the government urging them to stop hate crimes and things. They were promptly charged with sedition. Meanwhile, the Rajya Sabha also cleared the amendments to UAPA, so the day is not far when someone’s opinion gets the double charge of sedition and terrorism. Oh, and the Congress voted in favour of said amendments in Rajya Sabha. Fun fact, if you repeat the word “law” several times, it creates the same effect as going LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL.
Muslim pickings
Something weird is happening: The BJP is starting many schemes for minorities. Which… is suspicious. Its hardcore followers aren’t waiting for analysis and already doing an ‘Abey Oye’, giving the first glimpse that for many, ideology of hatred > blindly following the BJP. Which is reassuring and scary all at once.
Runway jury
You know when Amazon says you can order a maximum of 2 of a certain product? Well, the Finance Ministry tried to have that rule with airport privatization, but clearly, Adani had a coupon code and ended up getting 6. That coupon code: FRIENDSOFMODI, probably.
Ravish you all the best
But let’s end the India section with some positive news! India cuts tax rate on Electric Vehicles, and Ravish Kumar wins the Ramon Magsaysay award.
International
POTUS calling the kettle black
The greatest country in the world has a racist president calling black people racist even as he tries to woo black voters… Showing he might be on pot. (If it makes you feel any better, a recording showing Ronald Reagan calling Africans ‘monkeys’ emerged). Meanwhile, he withdrew from an arms treaty that helped end the Cold War, his head of intelligence (one of the few sane people in the administration) left. Unsurprisingly, the worst strands of humanity continue to support him, like Brexitmonger Nigel Farage. Meanwhile, the 20+ Democrats who are running to replace him are doing such an efficient job belittling each other and trampling over each others’ policies that it’s hard to see a unified front… Basically, 4 more years of Trump-bashing on TTS - unless impeachment gets there first.
Ewwgenics
Jeffrey Epstein, money-maker and sexual predator, wanted to have a ranch to seed women with his sperm to spread his good genes. As Trevor Noah said, ‘Jeffrey Epstein Sex Ranch’ might be the least desirable salad dressing ever.
Shang hai, everyone
Since the USA isn’t buying all that stuff China’s making (thanks to a stupid trade war that got worse), the latter is trying to make a ‘free trade zone’ in Asia. The trade war also means electronics made in China might be made somewhere else - Vietnam for instance.
In Lehman's Terms
The Fed cut interest rates. The last time that happened was during that recession. Here’s a very good explanation of what this means. (also, please support us on Patreon so we can eat).
War(saw) against emigration
Poland is scrapping income tax for young people to stop brain drain.
Oneupmanship
Some election thingy happened and now freshly anointed British PM Boris Johnson’s majority in parliament is exactly one. This is the sort of thing that would naturally lead to Amit Shah becoming the next British PM. Or the next general elections being decided on a boundary count.
This week didn’t start the fire...
Another shooting in the USA (make that two), another North Korea nuke test, more violence in Hong Kong, the Philippines, Yemen & Afghanistan, more devastation in the Amazon (forest) and by Amazon (company), more news of the poles melting & recession coming, more massive fires caused by climate change (this time in Siberia), more proof of Russians interfering in elections and screwing their own people over, and one more conservative politician mocking a teenage climate change activist. Phew! Expect this section to be copy-pasted in next week’s edition, with links changed.
But we still have hope
Grrrrrreat news
India’s tiger population has increased by 33% since 2014 - and no, we’re not talking about consumption of frosted flakes with Tony The Tiger on its packaging.
Veil, of course
Dutch officials refuse to enforce a burqa ban (what a country!).
It’s just child’s play
In the middle of all the border/immigration hate in the US, two architects built see-saws across the border wall and… see for yourself (we already saw).
Seed fund
Ethiopia - yes, that of starving kids so eat your dinner fame - planted 3.5 million trees in a day.
Bin tere son-am
They killed Osama’s son who was planning to take over Al Qaeda (not that it matters, ISIS is kicking ass).
Maori yaad vo yaad vo aaeri
New Zealanders protested a construction company’s plans to raze a Maori site. And before you think they’re not construction friendly, the Kiwis have been giving the rest of the world a (cough) inferiority complex (thanks, thanks, no applause please, thanks) for years now.
Wow, that was a larger than expected ‘hope’ section. Which should lead the two authors nicely into...
Feed us! Feed us!
TTS is run by a desire - not for profit, but for truth. That truth being the answer to “if we repurpose the news and put in bad jokes and sell it as a way for people to get smarter, you think people would read it?”. Well, apparently some of you think so, and some of you love us (<3) enough to give us your hard-earned money so we can buy new servers, office space… Er… Beer.
Anyway, if you like TTS and would like to support what we do, amazing! Here’s how you can help
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Biz, Tech Cetera
WHO let the dogs out
“Regulatory authorities in all countries should not allow any further work in this area until its implications have been properly considered.” That’s enough gene-editing babies, for now, says the WHO. Thank heavens.
Retailer made
You thought the big rich Reliance weddings were over, turns out there might be a yuge one coming - Amazon might be buying a stake in Reliance Retail. So that’s what been causing all that rain…
Barred because of bar codes
Check out this ingenious way by which InBev (makers of Budweiser & Hoegaarden) evaded paying taxes in India.
Mind your business
The FTC wants to look through Facebook’s acquisition shopping bag before scolding it, even as said acquisitions might have a “from Facebook” stamp soon. PS: Watch out for ‘frequently forwarded’ on your Whatsapp propaganda. And FB’s working on technology that can read minds. Which is not as dystopian as it seems, given most people hardly think these days anyway.
We did Nazi that coming
The headline of the week by Verge: “Twitter’s new ad campaign desperately wants to remind you that Twitter used to be fun”
Substandard abuse
The US is contemplating banning addictive digital things like infinite scroll, video autoplay and binge-reading TTS… Okay, almost.
Encryto Patronum
Ah, intelligence agencies are trying to figure out how to get Whatsapp to give them special backdoor access. As a wise philosopher once said on the medium, “Don’t open a can of worms or you will be bitten by snakes. Good morning.”
LinkedOut: Some excellent things we read this week
This stunning story of how a cyclist got kidnapped, connected with her kidnapper over orchids, and was set free (even dropped home!).
Meet the guy behind China’s propaganda machine!
Yup, AI can have patents too (After all, it was used to analyse prosperity vs names in India)
And how just-add-water products can save us.
A nice read about how the rich and poor both vote for the same party in India.
That’s it for this week. If you’d like to get in touch with us, we’re on Twitter (Chuck | Tony). Or you can reach us on good ol’ email. Until next week, may that new pub you visit drown out all awkward silences with your favourite songs.