The Third Slip: Issue 123 - Freedom Of Expression - friend or FOE?
Hello, Slippers! Welcome to The Third Slip, the satirical weekly newsletter that is like Trump offering to broker peace on your behalf in Kashmir. You’re not sure why it’s here or what to do with it, you scratch around wondering if you made a mistake, and then shrug, humouring the egomaniacal people behind it who are just looking for social validation.
This is issue 123. 123, of course, is the most pertinent Psalm composed by King David for the citizen of a modern democracy which says “Oh lord, give me the shortsightedness to dismiss intellectuals as fearmongers in 2014 and the apathy to ignore reality in 2019 while I complain about one fewer pump of vanilla than usual in my caramel frappuccino.” In case anyone’s wondering - no, that’s not a real quote from Psalm 123. This is a satirical newsletter. Nothing of what we say should be taken seriously. We come in peace and the pursuit of social validation. Why so many disclaimers you ask? Well, let’s catch you up with the news. Ready… Issue 123 go!
In India
If you thought the World Cup finals was riveting, wait till you see the week India has had AKA the season finale of Indian democracy. This week, Indian democracy looks like a dung beetle in its finest element - fast and efficient, but at creating huge piles of bullshit. Oh, and in case you just want a TL;DR - This is the end. Hold your breath and count to ten.
Terror in judgment
Who said the current dispensation and political commentary of those in power are narrow-minded? Come here, come here - look how broad their mind is when it comes to the new provisions in the Unlawful Activities Prevention Act. In essence: any individual can now be labelled a terrorist and charged without proof with the definition of terrorism including anyone who funds terrorist activities or terrorist literature and plus also “urban Maoists”. Except for a handful of our representatives, no one felt a chill down their spine by virtue of not having one as they count their clean chits and account balances for jumping ship at the first available opportunity.
RTI for RTI’s Sake
Information is power, power corrupts, so why make any of your citizens corrupt? This seems to be the line of thinking of the lawmakers in our country who have effectively killed RTI by stripping it of its independence and basically bringing it under the control of the government. The bill passed Rajya Sabha as well with consummate ease with enough state governments choosing the path of convenience and voting in favour of these needless changes to defang the RTI. But hey, ignorance is bliss only.
Bangalore Daze
The Karnataka drama has effectively concluded the HD Kumaraswamy finally losing the trust vote when it happened, 16 MLAs being disqualified - effectively banning themselves from politics for the time it will take them to count the money they received - and Yeddyurappa taking over as the new CM. If you thought to yourself, that doesn’t seem right - surely, there’s a typo somewhere, you’re right. Yeddyurappa is now Yediyurappa after a name change. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
In other we are like this only news...
Hanging by a sacred thread
A Kerala judge said only Brahmins should be in high positions. True - this one was definitely high.
Looney Tunes
“Go to Pakistan” is so 2018. A BJP leader asked legendary Padma Vibhushan award-winning Kerala filmmaker (meaning - anti-national), Adoor Gopalakrishnan, to go to the moon.
Jersey jaissi koi nahin
Byju’s the ed-tech company now bought over rights from Oppo to be the main sponsor on the Indian cricket jersey. In an example of turning a cringeworthy branding decision into a masterstroke, that silly brand name with an apostrophe will now ensure that every cricketer’s chest will proudly call it “Byju’s India”. That sweet smell of success when the sweat of the Indian cricketer blends with the sweat of the middle-class Indian parents’ limitless insecurity. But, what a great story it is for nerdy cricket fans like us - if you can't get your name on the back of the Indian jersey, get it on the front.
International
When you come Londone
Clown-and-Brexit-cheerleader-in-chief Boris Johnson is the UK’s new PM. Ugh, he’s likely to make things wor… Oh wait, he has an Indian origin person in his cabinet? Guess we were wrong and quick to… Oh, she’s a hardcore Brexiteer, making it seem as hypocritical as a half-blood trying to make the entire wizard race pure. Gotcha. Cool. Anyway, his main task is to make sure Brexit happens, and the EU has made it clear they’re not open to a new deal. So basically, Brexit continues the fine British tradition of comedy shows - just because the faces have changed, doesn’t mean it’s going to get less funny.
Muelled whine
Robert Mueller - the guy who wrote a report that was supposed to say “Trump is an evil guilty lying bastard, impeach him!” (but didn’t), testified in front of Congress as Democrats tried very hard to get him to say those words. And like a true college-level champion at Taboo, he didn’t. The best thing you could say about it was that it was like a tense test match where one team held on for a draw. Here’s a TLDR concerning all involved.
Day of Riconing
Puerto Rico’s governor stepped down after a week of protests, following leaks of homophobic and misogynistic chants. Learn a thing or two, USA. Learn.
Emission Impossible
Trump is trying to roll back emission standards. But auto companies decided to side with California, who is backing tougher standards. This is incredible! Think of it like the NRA trying very hard to remove gun regulations but Smith&Wesson saying “I think we should fix this ourselves” and pivots to selling water pistols.
Kashmir vaango, cheer denge
AKA ‘Feel better about India’ section: The USA is bringing back executions, its supreme court said, “sure, use Pentagon money to build that foolish wall”, Israel’s bombing Palestine, North Korea is testing harder-to-detect missiles, Turkey has purged 6000 intellectuals, and China (who’s had enough of this Hong Kong nonsense) is threatening to send in its army to stop those ruddy protestors who keep wanting things like free speech and democracy. Yes, we’re agents of cheer!
Forest Slump
Europe is scorching hot. Which translates to “Indians are wearing only a light jacket because slightly cold it is no?”. Meanwhile, we thought we had 12 years to save the planet, turns out we have only 18 months (especially the poor animals that can’t adapt to climate change fast enough). Given that Brazil is deforesting the Amazon at the rate of 3 football fields per hour, don’t count on it.
Friends, Romans, Countrymen… Lend me your beers….
Actual real fact from this issue of The Third Slip - we refused to do ads to give you a superior reading experience. Which is why instead of an irrelevant ad we’re giving you this much more entertaining interlude - HELP, HELP, HELP US! No, seriously - we could use your support to keep The Third Slip going - here’s what you can do...
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Tech cetera
Putting the Madras in mad rush transport
The closest we’ve experienced to a hyper-loop is a massive email thread on a Monday morning where everyone is replying-all everyone else. But, a team from IIT-Madras developed a model for a hyperloop which won praise from the Muskman himself!
Keep the change you want to see in the world
Facebook paid a fine of $5b for, y’know, all that data carelessness. They treated the fine the same way you would treat a fly when sitting for a major interview.
Whose like is it anyway?
Looks like people really like Instagram hiding number of likes (sorry, poor social media client). Now social media mavens will need to deal with hidden likes - exactly like the authors of The Third Slip.
If it weren't for those medalling kids...
Whether you like it or not, phones that believed in Karma are getting a spectacular reincarnation. The medals for the Tokyo 2020 Olympics are going to be made from recycled gadgets. How coooool is that.
I quit, my boss is a twit. This is neat, I said in a tweet
Using your boss’ Twitter account to resign (not very politely) is a savage way to go, as one British MP found out.
LinkedOut
The story of the Retweet (and how the guy who created it totally regrets it).
Was the automotive era a terrible mistake?
While Trump’s followers ask for Ilhan Omar to be sent back home, they love her down in her mostly-white district in Minnesota.
That’s it for this week. If you’d like to get in touch with us, we’re on Twitter (Chuck | Tony). Or you can reach us on good ol’ email. Until next week, may every banana you eat be the perfect degree of ripe.
