The Third Slip: Issue 122 - Kar-nataka = Do Drama
Hello, Slippers! Welcome to The Third Slip - the weekly newsletter that makes you smile for a while but brings you down eventually. Like a nice wheat beer. But with puns added on top. Wait, is pun the lowest foam of wheat beer?
This is issue 122, exactly a week after the cricket world cup outdid tennis - both in terms of coefficient of thrillingness of a final, and the grace exhibited by players proving once again that sport is the most elevated form of existence. Sadly, it also brought to an end the 7-week magical escape from reality, forcing us all to confront mundane things like our careers, family, the government making life-changing laws in the country, and climate change accelerating the end of the world faster than we thought it would. This, in turn, has aged us all by 40 years as evidenced on our social media timelines this week. Wait, what do you mean that’s a FaceApp filter? Only us then? Oho, come you also read the news...
At home
So farce so good: In reason #184 on why Sport is better than life, Bernard Tomic was fined by the Wimbledon board for not playing well enough in his first-round match. In India though, the Congress has no such penalty to pay for being the shoddiest opposition in history - it’s just fine. And while its elected members are in mass exodus mode to the winning BJP side (what’s a principle? We have interest only in principal), the worst farce is playing out in Karnataka where after weeks of drama there is likely to be a floor test on Monday. This after an outlandish plot which was turned down by several TV studios for being unrealistic even though hilarious - involving 16 MLAs who want to resign to not be disqualified, resorts, unseen truckloads of money like that briefcase from Pulp Fiction, and two parties playing their cards with an impartial speaker and a neutral governor. As we draw the curtains on this drama on Monday finally, the real winner is the common man who got his money’s worth for solid entertainment. What a glorious thing democracy is.
Immigrandstanding: Oh sweet, Amit Shah wants to identify every illegal immigrant in the country. Now while that seems like a noble aim, think of when your principal ordered an arbit school bag check “just to make sure all your notebooks are covered in brown paper”. Remember, as Mahua Moitra (😍😍😍) said, we’re asking dispossessed people to show their papers in a country where ministers cannot produce degree certificates. And if that’s not enough chill up the spine, how about Modi’s chum Adani asking for the names of the scientists doing a review of its Australian mine - just to, you know, make sure there’s no bias, not to kill them or anything.
When life gives you lemons, add green chillies: Ah, Mumbai local trains - where people are treated like clothes in a vacation suitcase, where 10 die every day and you can’t tell when a bridge will fall on your head and kill you. Thankfully, Mumbai’s railway officials are taking some real steps to solve these issues: By holding a puja. After all, this is a country where people refuse to wear seatbelts in cars but will have a nimboo-mirchi and religious idol on the dashboard combo to keep them safe. Now all they need to do is change the name of a station (like they did after the Elphinstone Road Stampede) and all will be well. Phew.
Pak of wolves: This week, the International Court of Justice pretty much said “what nonsense” to Kulbhushan Jadhav’s death sentence and ordered Pakistan to provide Jadhav consular access (which they did). But… For some reason, Pakistan is celebrating as well. So we’re not sure who has won, maybe it’ll be decided on (cough cough) international boundaries?
Mob-y Dick: What’s on your reading list? Doesn’t matter, because it won’t compare to the paperback the UP honcho Yogi Adityanath has on his desk - the proposed mob lynching law. Whether Yogiji will do anything is to be seen - after all, it would be like Ozzy Osbourne signing a law that banned heavy metal. It’s most likely to end up being that mythical whale that’s never caught.
IPSo facto: An IPS officer raised money to be able to supply students in war-torn J&K with subsidized books. More power to people like this than forces trying to drive a wedge between them for political gains.
Caste a wide net: Your weekly reminder that caste is still alive: The fact that 10 farmers are not. Gunned down in a fight, no prizes for guessing which state.
Flood for thought: Assam and Bihar are severely affected by floods this year in case you didn’t know already - the death toll is over 150 people, with lakhs of people displaced. With the most polluted cities in the world, and regions where floods become worse year on year, all hope rests on Kohli and his men to win the next T20 world cup so we can continue to shut our eyes and feel happy about something.
International
Trade love not war: Everyone gets a trade war, whee! This week, it’s Japan & South Korea (this feels like Kane Williamson and Rahul Dravid having a fight, doesn’t it?). Elsewhere, the China-US trade war is really hurting China. And it’s really hurting the US, too. Basically, things work out nicely if we’re all less of dicks to each other but this is like the professional league of millennials figuring out how soon and how frequently they can message the other person after having a nice time with them to maintain the upper hand in the ego battle and eventually, inevitably both of them end up with a suboptimal outcome.
May-cup for lost ground: Theresa May took a swipe at (potential PM) Boris Johnson in her farewell speech as British PM. Hers might be a tenure riddled with bumbling and vitriol directed her way, but hey, she’s the first-ever British PM to welcome a World Cup-winning British team to #10 (even if Morgan did need to intervene to ensure the lads didn’t get too drunk. If this newsletter did stereotypical jokes, we might have said “A tall order, we imagine, for an Irishman called Captain Morgan”, but we don’t, so we won’t make that joke. Instead, let’s go with “What do you mean that’s not why they call it ten downing street?”).
Presidential racist: The big story in the US this week is one of the most shocking to come out of a presidency where Shock is the new normal. Trump sent out tweets suggesting 4 Congresswomen of non-American backgrounds should ‘go back to their countries’, something his supporters lapped up heartily, chanting “send her back”. After some rebuke (none from Republicans if you were wondering), he half-heartedly distanced himself from the chants, but the strategy of division is clear - and very likely to pay off in 2020. The only positive thing we can say about this is, late-night hosts will have quality material for some more time. This is all best summed up by The Onion’s Headline: “Trump Supporters Worried Racist Attacks Against Progressive Democrats Just Talk”.
Hit the bully’s eye: Philippines’ President Duterte, is a top-class misogynist. So it’s kinda ironic that he signed an anti-sexual harassment law. Imagine Trump signing an anti junk food bill. That. Best not to complain when the odd bit of good news happens. South Korea also passed an anti-bullying law.
Do do do do doing away with the problem: This is cruel, tragic and funny all at once: A Florida city is going to blast ‘Baby Shark’ to drive away the homeless from a beachfront at night. The scream you hear is a thousand parents PTSDing simultaneously.
Here comes the pride: Alan Turing - mathematician extraordinaire who suffered for being gay - is the face of Britain’s new 50-pound note. There’s an easter egg in here - a binary code which reveals his birthday! In more heartening people news, the two lawyers from India who fought against 377 came out as a gay couple. Maybe there’s a rainbow at the end of the tunnel.
Tech cetera
FaceApp the music: This week’s biggest tech app is one that shows a geriatric version of you (it didn’t work for the authors… Oh wait). It’s a Russian company. And the T&Cs say they can do what they like with the photos. So what could possibly go wrong?
The search ends here: Most of last year’s Google protestors have left. Not the protest, but Google itself.
Chipping away at issues: Amidst all these companies thinking that making your face look older or having circular icons is innovation, here’s Elon Musk thinking of ways to stitch a computer chip into your brain with Neuralink. It will help blind people see, paralytics move and maybe even for humans to communicate without needing to go through that clunky medium of speaking! (Wait But Why did a fantastic comic on this and human evolution a few years ago)
Like it or not: In a move that has sent “influencers” into depression masked by the Paris filter, Instagram is running a mega trial to do away with showing “likes” on its platform. A move that might be linked to the mental well-being of the larger populace needlessly chasing validation on the internet. Pshh who are these people who need virtual validation anyway?
Like The Third Slip? Send us an email na?
Like what we do? Support us! You can...
Become a patron (from $1 a month) on Patreon
UPI us some moolah (thethirdslip@paytm)
Tell people about us! Send the newsletter to a friend (or enemy)
Share some feedback with us. Or not. Who needs validation? We do.
LinkedOut
If you think you have mental health issues, talk about it. Or go to therapy. There is no shame. Take the example of a 25-year-old Chinese immigrant who started a really cool and useful company, and was forced to leave it.
You might know that the iconic MAD Magazine is (sorta) dead. Here’s why we shouldn’t mourn: Those smart-asses are now free to do other things.
An incredible interactive look at how the Notre Dame was saved from fully collapsing.
Sudan’s been a country torn by misrule, protests, then crackdown by soldiers, and protests again. Here’s an excellent summary with photos.
Roger Federer, Kane Williamson, and Rohit Brijnath show us the generosity of the true sportsman.
Finally, when Yuval Noah Harari (the author of Sapiens) writes about the future of humanity and politics, you read it.
That’s it for this week. If you’d like to get in touch with us, we’re on Twitter (Chuck | Tony). Or you can reach us on good ol’ email. Until next week, may your lunches be garnished with conversations that sprinkle laughter.