The Third Slip: Issue 120 - Monsoon RaGa
Hello and welcome to The Third Slip—the weekly newsletter that is like the league stage of World Cup 2019. You think it takes too long to get to the point and the format makes it predictable, the organisers come out in between and apologise for the unseasonable weather leading to a suboptimal experience, but in the end it gets more exciting than expected.
This is issue 120. 1:20, of course, was the time last night when this author realised he had to finish up the issue, because he'd be in a train all of Sunday. But, Alex Carey was batting and there is only so much a man can do if Faf du Plessis can't even get his bowling math in order, but thank God for a choke finally avoided by South Africa against Australia…
I've lost this train of thought. On with the news...
AT HOME
Die-nasty: Rahul Gandhi, the guy who became a politician like we became engineers, finally quit the leadership of the Indian National Congress which has now Thanos-ed itself multiple times over.
In the latest from shoot-yourself-in-the-foot champions who have now won the title seven years in a row, the Karnataka government is likely to fall soon. While open defecation rates in India are on the decline, open defections are apparently in vogue. Sigh. Anyway, now looking forward to Rahul Gandhi following his true passions and showing up in Comicstaan Season 3.
Nipping it in the Budget: If you thought economics will be right of centre in NDA 2.0, the Budget should prove that wrong (not that we're complaining). Here’s a nice TL;DR. The highlight of the Budget was the finance minister ditching the briefcase for a bahi khata. Optics over substance? Deja vu all over again. If you’re wondering, if you’ll need to submit more fake bills in office - the answer is no.
Copy that. Rogered: Right-wing nutjobs said that glorious ‘dissent’ speech by TMC MP Mahua Moitra was plagiarised, even as she actually pointed out the source. The best possible ending, though, was the original author tweeting this.
J.K Roiling: It doesn’t look like the Creative Mathematics that was the hallmark of Modi 1.0 is going to stop anytime soon - catch all its salient features on display as not-in-my-home Minister Amit Shah talks about J&K.
Go to Parkistan: Meanwhile in Delhi, even an altercation over a parking spot between two people now has the potential to take on a religious colour and be amplified with fake news. Sigh. An RSS member asking, “Have you ever heard of Hindus destroying a mosque?” has made irony assassinate logic and call itself a true patriot.
Let's take a rain check: It’s July! So we play the Mumbai monsoon bingo...
“Heaviest”, “rainfall” and “paralyzes” in several headlines - check.
Corrupt contractors doing shoddy jobs leading to deaths - check.
A clueless municipal corporation blaming climate change - check.
Reminders that BMC is India’s richest civic body - check.
Crocodile tears & compensation by the ruling party - check (cheque, in this case)
Reports that global warming is going to make things worse - check.
Reports that while Mumbai is flooded, other parts of the country are parched af thanks to mismanagement - check.
Clueless “petrichor #monsoonmagic” posts by influencers and delusional idiots who never have to use public transport - check.
Yup, just another monsoon. Move on...
Pressing issues: Finally, a fabulous look at how India’s media landscape has changed in the last five years: The big brotherisation by the government, self-censorship by media houses for survival, death threats for “anti-national journalists”, and the rise of independent digital media. The Third Slip doesn’t find a mention sadly. So…
“Buy us a beer” interlude
What’s the difference between Jeremy Corbyn’s supporters and TTS? One has a love of Labour, the other is a labour of love. (laborious joke, we know). TTS is run by two nutters who do it for the lulz and social validation. The occasional beer money also helps, so if you like what we do and would like to encourage us to make even more puns and read more news so we can summarise it for you, we’d love it if you supported us: you can do so on Patreon or heck, UPI us (the-third-slip@paytm). The best support is just telling other people about us: send us to pun-loving libtard friends, and pun-hating enemies. Just don’t send it to bhakts who understand wordplay - we like staying alive.
INTERNATIONAL LULZ
Precis-dent: Of course, Trump made 4th of July all about himself (also, why are all those tanks there? Maybe to fight off all those annoying Dems who want his tax returns?). Meanwhile, there are over 20 Democratic candidates for presidency (!). Some of them slugged it out in debates - and the best summary might be from Seth Meyers (Part 1, Part 2) - TL;DR - Kamala Harris is slaying it (which should explain all the fresh racist rot from the right). But aayega toh...
DP fake: Memes Of The Week - Trump during his 4th of July speech said that George Washington’s army took over airports - Twitter duly obliged. People have been Photoshopping Ivanka Trump in places where she shouldn’t be. Welcome, #UnwantedIvanka.
Shanghaijacking: Those massive crowds you often see on the news and thought “wow, Dadar station now has skyscrapers” are actually protesters in Hong Kong (a super primer here by Vox) who are basically worried about China’s growing regional bullying. Things are reaching a fever pitch as there are suicides and the legislature was stormed into.
Unfriendship: A badass German ship captain rescued over 40 Libyans who were stranded at sea, escaping from their war-torn country. She tried to land them in Italy, whose anti-immigrant PM said “No. And arrest that brazen lady!” She was later released, but the whole episode sparked off several protests and the rest of the EU likes Italy even less now.
Mad in China: If you’d like a side dish of ethnic cleansing along with your order of right-wing nationalism, then China is happy to help complete your Which Century Are We Living In meal.
The road less travelled by: One bro in the US couldn’t get authorities to fill up a pothole so he threw it a birthday party. If this catches on, Western Express Highway will resemble Berlin during Oktoberfest.
Lama duck argument: Oh and the Dalai Lama is okay if a female succeeds him. As long as she’s pretty, of course.
TECH CETERA
Sanitary iPad: It’s heartening to know that the internet can be used for good things in India too (apart from spread fake news and mokkai newsletters) - more women in small towns are using it to buy menstrual products (cups FTW!).
Libration: So. Facebook tried to start a cryptocurrency. It’s… not going too well, beset by technical and legal challenges. And really, do you want your money to be controlled by a company whose general attitude is “If it ain’t broke yet, leak it!”? Anyway, with 68 per cent of FB’s investors not wanting The Zuck as chairman anymore, this might soon be someone else’s headache.
Johnny not on the spot: Jony Ive, the Chief Design Officer who made people say “shut up and take my money” often and repeatedly, leaves Apple (yeah, we’re a tad late on this)!
Mind your pees and queues: Not exactly tech, but these outdoor female urinals (ideal for music festivals and such) are a beautiful example of simple design solving a real problem.
Weaving a web: In other news, Facebook and Google both are investing lots to try and get Africa better internet. Which to our cynical minds is the new “colonies need some civilisation” or “middle eastern country with oil needs democracy”.
LinkedOut - Some good stuff we read this week
Democracy and liberal ideas dead? Not if all those protestors have something to say about it!
Happy 20th year, IRCTC! Here’s a look back. (Did you know only 13.4 per cent of their revenues come from ticketing? 11 per cent comes from… packaged water!)
A terrific time for lesbian athletes: from the first couple to team up at Wimbledon, to US Football skipper, Trump critic & total badass Megan Rapinoe.
For marketing nerds, here’s how Tinder is doing “local” stuff.
Cuddly li’l Disney? Is dominating Hollywood. A great read.
That’s it for this week. If you’d like to get in touch with us, we’re on Twitter (Chuck | Tony). Or you can reach us on email, if you're feeling old school. Until next week, may your life be so interesting that writing a diary would be too scandalous.