The Third Slip: Issue 116 - All is fair in glove and war
Hello, Slippers! Welcome to The Third Slip - the weekly newsletter that’s like the arrest of a potential spy by security forces - the subject is tortured needlessly, it reveals very little information, it has an extremely limited audience who cringe involuntarily, and it serves no real purpose other than to satiate the sadistic tendencies of the people administering it.
This is issue 116. 116 is a tribute to Rafael Nadal whose title record of French Open v/s other Grand Slams reads 11-6. By the time you are reading this, it is likely that it’s become 12-6, further reaffirming his position as the ultimate - a dozen times world clay champion. This is different from the title we’re gunning for by putting you to sleep with puns - ultimate dozin’ time’s word play champions. You think that’s bad? Wait till you read the news...
At home
Gloval Warming: Long term readers of The Third Slip will surely know that we think sports is the best escape from all the rubbish goings on in the world. (Note for recent readers who are not aware: we think sports is the best escape from all the rubbish goings on in the world). And so, we were looking forward to the World Cup to get away from all the madness but the madness did catch up.
It all began with MS Dhoni wearing wicketkeeping gloves with a dagger insignia of the Indian Para Special Forces, which violated ICC rules, so they politely asked him to not wear them again, to which India collectively beat its 56-inch chest, to which the ICC said “Bro, just read the rulebook na?” which was, of course, the cue for angry tweets from our so-called journalists, and newly minted MP Gautam Gambhir and sports minister Kiren Rijiju to throw their weight in, upon which the media decided India should pull out of the world cup because of this. Sigh. Imagine if the India Pakistan match gets rained out next Sunday or something. Then, we’ll have to go to war only.
Mean Media Mode: The problem, of course, is with the terrible media model which leads to brainless outrage journalism.
Turns out it’s up to us figure a way out - perhaps by contributing financially for good quality content. To help you gain practice, we’re offering you a chance - support The Third Slip on Patreon, or UPI (thethirdslip@paytm). Yes, we’re thoughtful like that :)
Hindicapped: The centre’s attempt to push Hindi as a mandatory language in all states was swiftly turned around by the southern states, led by Tamil Nadu who basically said “poda dei”. This promptly led to the annual cycle of everyone on the internet promptly rediscovering that India does not have a national language, and no one from the south says “Rascala”. Ultimately, Hindi has led to education. Win!
Real estate of affairs: While we’re distracted with all this smoke and fire, crony capitalists are quietly divvying up the land, forests, and water for their benefit. Business Standard reports how Patanjali is noodling its way through the Aravalli hills despite Supreme Court having told them earlier to go away.
Bus bhi karo yaar: Oh, look just AAP making public transport free for women in Delhi. No doubt this will encourage more women to do anti-national things like work and go out while their children get educated in some of the best public schools in the country. Ugh, disgusted with all this needless social progress. What next? Maybe they’ll install a meaningful learning system where everyone understands the baseline definition of privilege. Worst.
Tareef pe tariff: In excellent segue from India to the world news - Trump said he loves Hindus but apparently not the “Hindu rashtra” anymore… India is the latest in his “You get a tariff! You get a tariff!” frenzy.
Around the world
All of a Sudan: There’s a bloody war happening in Sudan (sadly, bloody is an adjective, not an intensifier). TL;DR - Omar al-Bashir, dictator of 30 years stepped down earlier this year and there was to be democracy through a period of military transition. People want civilian democracy, so the military is indiscriminately killing them instead. As the poet said: Soldier, soldier, meethi baatein bol Khartoum chura le gaya…
Melbourne identity: When you think of Australia, you think of happy-go-lucky, barbecue-loving, cricket-talking, averting-death-by-weird-species daily people. Not crackdowns on journalists. Well, well.
Gender ooncha rahein hamara: The good news - No single country is lagging behind when it comes to gender equality. The bad news - they’re all lagging.
Beat the heat, crack open a cold war: Here’s a solution for global warming: Xi Jinping recently shook hands with Vladimir Putin and the entire Earth instantly became colder. Not in a particularly nice way.
Putting the blight in Old Blighty: Trump went to the UK and made the British people very happy indeed - they figured out they’re not, in fact, stuck with the worst leadership in the world. Relax and enjoy these fabulous signs made by all those protestors who needed an outlet for their British humour as Trump went oscillated between awkwardness and embarrassment. The Queen must surely be wondering if this is why the British bothered leaving.
And to round that off, if you like bumbling nationalist idiots with dodgy-looking hair leading their countries, Trump’s good pal Boris Johnson might be the next UK PM.
Resistance is fruitile: So Mexico can shut off avocados and China can potentially screw Apple over. Not very sure if the Yumerican public is going to support the trade war for long...
Tech
Unbreak My Tech: Poor Big Tech. Everyone thinks they’re evil and out to make profits at the expense of our privacy and democracy. So nobody outside Silicon Valley was shedding a tear with all the new privacy bills and antitrust rules. Expect more of these in the coming months - this makes for good political optics.
Cabinet reshuffle: IKEA is making robotic furniture that changes form from wardrobe to sofa and beyond. Of course, it’s coming to Hong Kong first.
Consumed in moderation: You really don’t want to be in charge of YouTube’s content moderation right now. Not after they apparently said homophobic harassment is kinda okay.
Ayyo. Yes. Apple, purveyors of moral-high-ground envelope-pushing, introduced a ‘Sign In With Apple’ option which won’t take away as much data as that nasty Google and Facebook. The problem: Developers want user data. Apple is crossing that hurdle by basically… forcing devs to toe their line. Turns out coercion is better than uninformed consent. So sweet! (But they are also finally are killing iTunes! About freakin’ time.)
The only time we’ve been genuinely thrilled to see the word ‘struggling’ in recent times: “Meatless companies are struggling to meet demand”. This technology FTW.
LinkedOut
This new project by laid-off journalists is interesting. (No, this is not a subscription link to The Third Slip).
In a world of increasing automation, those jobs with a human touch are going to be the ones that are safe. Ha! And they laughed at you for taking humanities in 11th.
You can always count on the phrases ‘Saudi Arabia’ and ‘trying to silence a dissenter’ to be in close proximity to each other. Read this.
Why we can still live in hope about climate change: If all those annoying scientists and UN reports don’t convince ya, capitalism and losses will.
On the 30th anniversary of the Tiananmen Square riots, it's worth looking at how the Communist Party was successfully able to erase it out of history books and memory - so much so that many young don’t have any idea about it.
Village of books. In Bihar. Yep. You read that right.
Liberals are clearly out of touch: Not just with ‘mass’ India, but also apparently ‘elite’ India, who’ve thronged to the BJP. So… Where exactly does that leave us? Or if you’d like, a silly personal take from one of us here.
That’s it for this week. If you’d like to get in touch with us, we’re on Twitter (Chuck | Tony). Or you can reach us on good ol’ email. Until next week, may you be in company that makes you want to take off your gloves.