The Third Slip: Issue 115 - Can we trade?
Hello, Slippers! Welcome to The Third Slip - the weekly newsletter that's like Nesamani. A niche character that's basically a weak copy of its predecessors, makes some South Indians chuckle, and on occasion accidentally hits the hammer on the head . And also, More importantly, you should pray for us now.
This is issue 115, or if you're a cricket fan and are looking for the score in today's match in the World Cup that was hyped up to supposedly produce the biggest batting totals of all time but has massively disappointed so far, this is issue 11/5. Honestly if we wanted to see more one-sided contests, we'd just hold another election. So we begin with the other side...
Around the globe
Friend zone: Let’s start with good news: While news tends to get dominated by Trump’s trade war, the whole of Africa created a free trade zone!
Schrodinger's guilt: The good news is, Mueller exists and can speak. The bad news is, he didn’t tell us anything we didn’t know. Some say he did whatever he could to hint to the damn Democrats to start impeachment, as he reiterated his report did not not say the President was not guilty. Whatevs. Bro’s party celebrated by continuing to block aid to places that really need it.
Tariffying: Meanwhile, realising tariffs are a great way to wreck the US economy, Trump’s trying it out with Mexico too. Just wait till rural America realises this will make cars more expensive, while urban America realises this will make… Avocados more expensive. The horror!
Pulling out: Netflix and Disney said they might stop filming in Georgia, after the abortion ruling. Fun actual fact: Many studios shoot in Georgia as they’re given a 10% cut to include the state's logo in closing credits!
Poll-arising figures: The EU elections happened. As expected, smaller, nationalist parties did well (like the Brexit Party). As unexpected, so did the parties that are ‘liberal’ (it’s not a bad word there like it is in India). All in all, fragmentation ahoy.
Bam Bam, Big 'ello!: After 3.5 years of trying to make Brexit work, Theresa May finally resigned and nobody captured the moment better than Trevor Noah. A motley collection of nutters are vying to replace her, including Boris Johnson, a man whom John Oliver once called “a man with both the look and economic insight of Bam Bam from 'The Flintstones’”. Now if we can sneak in a Colbert reference here, we’ll be done.
Not-so-strongman: Israel’s Benjamin Netanyahu was unable to cobble together a coalition so… Fresh elections! (what if the same result happens again? Penalty kicks? Super over? Who knows? The confusion Israel.)
Putting the pray in appraisal: This week in making you feel better about your job - North Korea reportedly executed a senior diplomat after the Trump-Kim summit failed. I’ll take that 3% raise, thanks.
Kiwipedia: NZ has forsaken GDP to focus on things like mental health in their budget. I know you want to desperately move there, but come on - you’ll miss Amit Shah and Marol at some point.
Yas minister!: South Africa’s new cabinet is gender balanced. Neat!
At home
Post-poll-fact world: Spoiler alert - those hush hush media reports about the slow down in the economy is true. GDP growth slowed to its lowest rate in 5 years. But let's be fair, not everything is going down - unemployment rate is at a 45 year high now. Not that these numbers coming out officially before the elections would have mattered tbh. Mandate wahi banayenge.
Skeletons in the cabinet: But anyway, democracy has spoken, and we have a new cabinet. Highlights: Nirmala Sitharaman is India's first woman full-time finance minister. Yay! But she does have her work cut out though. And while, Virat Kohli is arguably the best batsman in the ODI format, there's no doubt as to who the best batsman in the MODI format is -Amit Shah. He is the home minister, which is apt - liberals might want to stay indoors. And of course there's the simple-living minister from Odisha, but no one's talking about his scarily shady past. Which kind of makes that guy who said Astrology is the #1 science who became the HRD Minister (we have our own Betsy DeVos!) seem okay in comparison. Where have we seen this pattern before?
How I vish-u-was here: This week in “winning confidence of minorities” a Muslim man was shot at, a Dalit medical student committed suicide after being subject to casteist ragging, BJP MPs spread fake news of cow smugglers murdering a gau rakshak. We’re not saying the ruling party is responsible for all this - but if they’re serious about that ‘inclusiveness’ pfaff, it would be useful to open their mouths once in a while - else such terms are as meaningful as the ‘values’ on a company website. Oh wait, Gautam Gambhir tried that, only to be told by his mates to STFU please.
Nuts
Peak Everest: The top of Mt. Everest is like Sakinaka junction these days. The Onion, as always, puts it brilliantly: “World Populace Actually Fine With Rich People Dying On Mount Everest”
Surge-ical strike: If your Uber rating is low, you’ll be kicked off the platform. Whether you’re a driver or passenger.
S-E-S-Q-U-I-P-E-D-A-L-I-A-N-S: 8 kids won the Spelling Bee after the judges were speechless - literally. They ran out of words. Shockingly, not all of them were of Indian origin.
Ad-nauseum: For those of you who hate ‘influencers’, the FTC is starting to regulate the sector in the US. We don’t know this will play out in India, but those thinking they have gab,bbarring them would be welcome.
Alas ka news: Hundreds of dead puffins washed ashore in Alaska. Who’s to blame? You guessed it - climate change.
Tech
Gotta snooze them all: We suppose the only way to get phone addicts to sleep these days is to gamify it. Enter: Pokemon Sleep. Not kidding.
Amazon grace: Yay, Mackenzie Bezos - Jeff’s ex-wife, pledged to give away much of her large fortune to charity.
Don’t look now: While US states are saying no to facial recognition tech, companies are shrugging and heading off to the Middle East.
Niche guys finish last: For some reason, Apple released a new iPod. Meh, still doesn’t have FLAC. [Hey Chuck, stop yammering on about high-res audio formats, it’s the age of streaming, so just 20 people care] [lolz same number as those who care about TTS] [You put the ouch in touché]
Can't sugar-coat it: You might know that insulin is super-expensive in the US. So some people are just making their own. The US - where basic healthcare sounds like the plot of Breaking Bad.
Privacy primacy: And lastly, it’s been a year since GDPR went into effect. Here’s how things have stacked up.
LinkedOut
A glorious piece on how ‘safe’ doesn’t win elections: Exhibits A & B: Trump & Warren.
And you might want to read this piece by a Tiananmen Square insider about the shit that went down!
Farming + tech + Africa = Make Agri Sexy Again!
Georgia (the US State) has been the center of so much controversy recently with the abortion ban, that this story becomes more poignant: An entire community came out to cheer a mailman on his last day :’)
Whether or not you’re a football fan, this piece by Liverpool defender Andy Roberston ahead of the CL finals - phew.
That’s it for this week. If you’d like to get in touch with us, we’re on Twitter (Chuck | Tony) doing things like this - so you may figure out who you want to follow.
Or you can reach us on good ol’ email. Until next week, may your timeline be filled with the kind comments you deserve. Bye!