The Third Slip: Issue 109 - First past the ghost system
Hello, Slippers! Welcome to The Third Slip - the weekly newsletter that keeps on going because of the contrast effect. You know, the same principle that you use when you use a profile picture taken with your friend who looks worse than you so you look tons better in context. That's right, despite our middling mediocrity, we appear better in comparison to the media circus that claims to report the news.
This is issue 109. 109, incidentally is the number of terror accused that will be fielded by a prominent national party to have the contrast effect working repeatedly for us to vote Yogi Adityanath as Prime Minister in 2029. This is an elegant strategy - keep putting forth worse candidates on an assembly line while simultaneously giving a nationalist spin to their violent pasts till our senses are pummeled into submission. The first past the ghost system of elections just works.
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In India, the Freddie Mercury is rising…
Is this the real life?: You know you're fully entrenched in a post-truth world when there’s fake news even on TikTok - probably is a good thing it was removed from the app stores this week?
Is this just fantasy?: But in real real real mother promise not fake news - (Sadhvi) Pragya Singh Thakur - the accused mastermind in a Mumbai terror blast of “why only 6 people killed?” fame was inducted into the BJP and is contesting from Bhopal. She later went on air and said Hemant Karkare - the cop who valiantly lost his life in 26/11 - died because of her curse for putting her in jail. What do you even say anymore?
Caught in a landslide: Since it’s the season of handing BJP tickets to terrorists, don’t forget - the guy who was involved in a 2007 train blast is also running. Another from the same stable of party animals smashed an EVM (perhaps he was just a fan of The Who?) and yet another simply campaigned inside a polling booth (which, while illegal, seems passable).
No escape from reality: And it turns out, Modi didn’t do anything for banking in India except increasing the number of accounts (which are either empty or used for money laundering), and teaching people to stand in a queue. Open your eyes...
Look up to the skies and see: In the middle of all this, Jet Airways crashed. There are heartwarming stories of corporate India stepping up to hire its workers - including SpiceJet.
I'm just a poor boy, I need no sympathy: Rahul Gandhi made his spat with Arvind Kejriwal (remember him!) public on Twitter.
EC come EC go: Several politicians have got bans from a frustrated Election Commission for violating something or the other. At this point, the EC is like a parent who keeps doubling the time for which their child is grounded for not listening to them, while the child keeps flouting instructions with gay abandon, and the parent realises there is nothing they can really do and googles how many bottles of wine a day is okay and then dismisses the advice because sanity in the present moment is more important than long term health benefits. Um, where were we… and what do you mean this is a newsletter and not a personal blog?
Little high little low: Priyanka Chaturvedi, disgusted that the INC reinstated woman-hating ‘goons’, resigned as the party’s spokesperson. YOU GO, GIRL! Oh, wait. She joined the Shiv Sena after that. That’s like quitting Meataholics4Lyf to join the Paneer Lovers Association of India.
Anyway the wind blows, doesn't really matter to me, to me: All this put together means everyone - especially poor farmers - are cynical about the elections. Well done, politicians, across the board!
Mama, just killed a man: At least there’s one less to worry about: an MLA got life for… well, murder.
Pulled my trigger, now he's dead: One trigger-happy BSP supporter accidentally voted the BJP by mistake, and disgusted with himself chopped off his finger. Now that's hardcore democracy in action. Consign your inked finger selfies to the dustbin right away. At 25, his life had just begun...
Now I've gone and thrown it all away: One of the pillars of our democracy that seemed stronger than the others is the judiciary. They have taken bold positions more often than not and have tried to remain independent in an age of extreme turbulence. However, Saturday is a serious slap in the face of those claims. When a sexual harassment complaint came up against the CJI, an extraordinary session was summoned and the accused sat on the bench, denied the charges, alleged conspiracy, and passed personal comments against the complainant. Extraordinary session, indeed.
Around the World
Mull, Muller, Mullest. So there we have it! The thing that we’ve been waiting for, for years - supposedly solving all problems, getting rid of a giant evil villain, is here. Well, almost - Endgame releases only next Friday, but till then we’ll make do with the Mueller report. So is Trump guilty? 450 pages later, Robert Mueller decides to say “I dunno, you figure”. So yeah, he did canoodle with the Russians (so what!), he did try to stop the investigation (only his deputies didn’t carry out orders)... This is going to be a long, bloody battle and the accusations till now would have sunk anyone else - let’s hope Endgame has some resolution instead of leaving it to Congress to decide if Thanos is guilty.
Putting the aiwa in Taiwan: Terry Gou, the owner of iPhone-making Foxconn, is running for president in Taiwan!
Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell another referendum: In this episode of Union Jack and the beans-talk - sure, Brexit might be extended, but how can we wait till the season finale for a dramatic moment? As a result of UK still being in the EU at least till October, it can now vote in the European Parliament Elections which is amazing because we didn’t know something like that existed till now. Jokes apart, it’s a chance for ‘remainers’ to show they mean it. Consider it a pre-referendum. Or to maintain cringe portmanteau consistency - a preferendum.
Track reck-ord: North Korea wants the US Secretary of State (Mike Pompeo) replaced, calling him reckless. Let’s take in a moment to appreciate this: Imagine Naveen Richard chastising a fellow comic for making too many facial expressions.
Church ill, wins ton: A symbol of French pride was engulfed in flames. Immediately, millionaires pledged money to rebuild it (which, while nice, makes you wonder why the same generosity doesn’t exist for more crippling problems like climate change, the refugee crisis and poverty. Oh well). Amazingly, Assassin’s Creed (the video game, not the popular codename for the RSS) will help rebuild it - it has one of the most detailed digital versions of the monument. L’Orange, meanwhile, had a terrible idea to put out the fire which was immediately shot down by French officials. Le burne!
Our Weird, Awesome World
Legalese Marijuana: They made it official, and added layers of instructions and explanations to its packaging. Yaar Canada, thanks for making pot boring (also, happy 4/20!)
Clipping clip’s flippin hip: An American’s mom’s measured reaction to her toddlers trying to… shave each other’s heads is getting lots of <3
IronMan’s Best Friend: A dog swam for 200 km+ (!!) before being rescued by oil rig workers - one of whom is likely to adopt him.
We didn't start the fire: Buoyed by all the support Notre Dame was getting, someone in the US tried setting up crowdfunding for arson-hit Black churches. Soon, it topped $1m.
Tech
Do not judge a Facebook by its cover picture: Enjoy Wired’s deep dive into the last year of hell at Facebook to follow up the piece from last year. And given this week involved leak of news that employees had access to Instagram users’ passwords - expect Part 3 next year.
Margin of terror: There’s no respite for tech companies from the EU: They now need to take down terrorist content within an hour.
Inertial public offering: This week’s IPOs - Videoconferencing company Zoom, and Pinterest, showing there’s money in getting colleagues to connect and provide them something to do while they’re supposed to be conferencing (Skype + Solitaire missed a trick!)
Take my money and shut up: Apple paid Qualcomm $6b to stop being annoying with all those lawsuits and just go away. Speaking of Apple: Meet the lab where its iPhones are recycled.
Tube light: These high-tech tubes might help solve Hong Kong’s housing crisis. Truth be told, these look comfier than some Andheri East homes.
LinkedOut - The best things we read this week
Facebook might be toxic for women - thank goodness for Groups.
Apparently, breaking the law is the only way to save the planet!
A nice look at how Peloton is revolutionizing exercise.
On how life is more enjoyable with spreadsheets <3 <3 <3 <3. No, really.
A beautiful, if idealistic future for the gig economy.
That’s it for this week. Wanna say hello? We’re on Instagram (Chuck | Tony), Twitter (Chuck | Tony), and good ol’ email. Come say hi! Until next week, if we’re not back again this time Sunday carry on, carry on as if nothing really matters. Bye!