The Third Slip: Issue 108 - Event Horizon of Black Holes and White Walkers
Hello, Slippers! Welcome to The Third Slip - the weekly newsletter that is like a black hole with an infinitesimal ring of light around it. Most of it is dark and depressing, but we hope there is an occasional line that will put a smile on your face. Actually, we don’t care if it doesn’t. If you don’t subscribe to us, we will brand you anti-national. And also curse you.
This is issue 108. Which means that now there’s one issue of TTS for every bead in a prayer mala. And God knows we all need all the prayer-based help we can get as we move into the most important week ever for all of us - one where after many years of waiting, we finally have all the sides - the strong, the weakened, the unlikely, and all the rest, battle it out to see who ultimately gets the most important office in the land - the iron throne. But apparently, there’s also some election thing happening in India…
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Electile Dysfunction
While there should be room for debate on almost everything in a democracy - from economic policies, to the level of intervention of the state in citizens’ lives, one assumes that there are certain non-negotiables. Like going full retard on the divine right to rule and the ownership of a moral compass based on a fundamentalist, narrow view with hate and divisiveness at its core. If this assumption makes us biased, well we might as well acknowledge that we’re extremely biased. Here’s a sampling of the choicest cow dung that forms the meat of election extravaganza
Abki baar, fuck off yaar: The BJP party president himself said they’d weed out all these annoying illegal migrants. And only Hindus, Buddha (probably Buddhists) and Sikhs can stay. The party proudly put this tweet up, and it’s still live, despite the widespread outrage. Maneka Gandhi refuses to work for Muslims if they don’t vote for her… Sakshi Maharaj will curse you if you don’t vote for him… One numbers prize turd in Gujarat threatened voters… Another slime in human form said the INC fielded Urmila Matondkar for her looks (S01E01 of this show featured Priyanka Gandhi)... While a prize nutjob proclaimed himself God… Meanwhile, its lawyer-in-chief said voters don’t need to know where parties get funding from… Also, not to be left behind the union home minister said he’d make the sedition law even stronger and send shivers down the spine of people who have one… and the party’s own manifesto prefers fear and communalism to all that vikas nonsense it peddled last time around (although it liked some parts to repeat them shamelessly a second time around)
Floats like a bee: And that’s just the things they said! This week! Almost making you forget the other things like the shady withdrawing of 8 crores, blatant violations of election conduct (such as asking bureaucrats to do campaigning work). You know that when LK Advani - the mastermind of the Babri riots - is called the voice of reason, that we’re dealing with a different beast here - one that, even though aerodynamically inept, bumbles along quite happily.
Stings like a butterfly: It’s not like the Congress is inspiring much confidence itself. After all, Muslims in Ahmedabad want to vote for the BJP thinking the Congress will do nothing. Can’t blame ‘em: Who even heard of the Congress’ alleged sting revelations, which made as much flutter as a mutual fund brand’s organic post on Facebook?
But it’s not all a black hole...
Poll-en grains: As we begin the dance of democracy, it’s worth reading about the sheer scale of this process and the little people who make it happen (5 million!), sometimes in harrowing conditions - such as these six Arunachal officials who travelled 2 days so one guy could vote.
LGiBiliTy criteria: Another bright spot comes - predictably again - from Kerala, where India’s first openly intersex candidate is running.
Exercising the demons: And finally, relax by watching this kvlt video of Naveen Patnaik exercising. There is a message at the end. Don’t miss it.
In other pillars of democracy news...
Putting the tuition in institution: This was a week where our democratic institutions decided to school the populists just before the elections. They basically channelled their inner salt bae and sprinkled some salt on an almost ready meal. The Supreme Court ruled that The Hindu’s obtaining of the Rafale documents was not illegal. While massive for Indian journalists’ rights, who knows whether this will even cause a blip with voters who’ve probably forgotten about it? And in other news, that Modi biopic’s release has been stopped by the Election Commission until the elections are over saying “Bro, we’re all suffering enough already, can’t stand seeing some more Vivek Oberoi on the screen”
Around the World
Weird flextension, but okay: Comedy fans around the world erupted into spontaneous cheers as the EU announced it is reviving Brexit - the hit comedy show for another season. In a flextension (already up in second place behind Virushka as the worst portmanteau of all time) granted by Donald Tusk, Britain now has time till October to figure out a plan. Good, now they can waste even more money! Meanwhile, one of the turds who really wanted Brexit, Nigel Farage, started his own party, The Brexit Party (which, it turns out, is not a big celebration to mark the great day in British history). Sadly, he forgot to register the domain. The result? Well.
Holey Cow!: Hey, look, scientists led by Katie Bouman photographed a black hole for the first time <cue “that is where X is” jokes>. And of course, the plastic-surgery-in-vedas brigade got to work. Check your Whatsapp, you know what we mean. Also, an Israeli spacecraft failed to land on the moon, alas. No clue what our UNESCO-toting freaks have to say about this.
Wikipeaks: Oh no, Wikipedia’s founder got arrested. Why! He was a nice guy. Well, NO. Wikipedia and Wikileaks are not the same. Wikileaks is more like Wiki-peed-ia. hehe. Julian Assange, who leaked several classified US documents a decade ago, was finally arrested. It’s slightly complicated, but the US would really like him back to have a little chat about all those leaked documents, even as free speech activists demand his release. Not sure how L’Orange feels about this, especially since their leaking of Hillary’s emails was a pivotal point in the race. Anyhow, if there’s one thing you take out of this, it’s that Jimmy Wales does NOT run Wikileaks.
Axe max, backs tax hacks: Usually, Trump is a bumbling idiot who gives fodder for late night TV hosts. This week he showed his truly evil side - he kicked out his family-separating homeland security sec, saying she wasn’t ruthless enough, got a hardliner to head the immigration agency, blocked much-needed aid for Puerto Rico and for good measure, designated Iran’s military a terrorist force. Officially. Meanwhile, the Dems really really want his tax returns and Repubs really really don’t want to give it to them.
Civil verse: Remember r/changemyview? It’s now a fully-fledged website. For those who came in late, it was a section on Reddit which encouraged - brace yourself - civil discourse.
Sudamn: One dude who’s been ruling the place for 30 years (when Sachin started playing!) stepped down (and got arrested) after massive protests. He’s wanted for several international crimes. Meanwhile, a photo of a 22-year-old woman atop a car became a symbol of the protests.
Party animals: Over in China, loyalty to the Party is being gamified. Via an app, no less. Israel chose between two evils and settled on the familiar: Ben Netenyahu it is.
Hope
Swift desire: While much of the discourse is dominated by turds like the several ones mentioned above, it’s worth remembering it’s not all bleak. Taylor Swift donated a ton of money to a group fighting anti-LGBT laws. And gave a handwritten note.
Tech
Echo-ing our sentiments: Several governments - most notably EU & Canada - want to regulate big tech.This comes at a time when “This conversation with Alexa might be recorded for quality and training purposes”. Oh-oh. And Amazon’s employees are beseeching Bezos to do something about climate change.
Content is stin-king: Facebook though - gotta give ‘em credit - is taking a lot of steps to fix itself. This, even as most Americans are united on one thing - social media sucks.
He just got some satisfaction: Mick Jagger, the 75-year-old lead singer of Rolling Stones, underwent a heart surgery whose tech is likely to propel some companies in the news.
What an idea, surge: Uber filed an IPO. Not everyone’s thrilled, that a company which has no idea how to make money is getting so rich.
Safe to pull out: But the most important news you’ll read this week is Microsoft announcing that you don’t need to “safely” eject USB drives anymore. Phew! All those seconds saved. Scratch that. The most important news this week is that LinkedIn is introducing ‘reactions’.
Our Weird, Awesome World
Batman and robbin’: Warner Bros shut down a Trump campaign video for using a Dark Knight Rises score without permission. That music you hear is poetic justice.
Poach-a-hunters: And the most satisfying headline of the week goes to “Rhino poacher killed by an elephant and then 'devoured' by lions” - The Guardian
LinkedOut - The best things we read this week
Instagram’s newest stars: People who clean up crime scenes. Really.
In California, there’s a thriving economy of people who rummage through rich people’s trash and sell it.
Three superb reads on loss-making companies like Uber & Lyft & their imminent IPOs: That money should have been invested in public transport, bye bye affordable housing in that area, and the problem with ‘blitzscaling’ companies like those.
That’s it for this week. Wanna say hello? We’re on Instagram (Chuck | Tony), Twitter (Chuck | Tony), and good ol’ email. Come say hi! Until next week, may you dance like someone’s going to put it up on Whatsapp anyway, might as well make it worth their while. Bye!
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