The Third Slip: Issue 105 - Link in biopic
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Hello, Slippers! Welcome to The Third Slip—the weekly newsletter that is like a biopic in 2019. It aims to pack in a wide range of happenings into a single narrative, has many cheesy lines, and its actual intention is the aggrandisement of its protagonists by presenting their best sides while hiding their myriad flaws.
This is issue 105. Which means we’ve been going at this for over 2 years now and even our families have disowned their association with this newsletter much like Javed Akthar with the Modi biopic. Yet you are still here, dear reader, and that’s all that matters. We couldn’t do this without you. Well, actually we could. But we couldn’t do this without the news…
Electile Dysfunction
It’s just a few weeks till we know who’s going to misrule us for the next five years: the Modi Wave seems to have ebbed into a Modi Tide (Chowk gaye?) because they’ve been the torchbearers of communal disharmony, but in the opposite corner are the purveyors of Olympic-level corruption. The choice is much like being given the option of choosing any career you like, as long as it’s either Electronics or Electrical Engineering. So with that in mind, we’ll be starting issue of TTS with this section.
The Way-anad less travelled by: The Congress thinks it can take on the BJP on its own (aw!), RaGa is going to contest from Wayanad (?!) and not to be left behind, the BJP is trying to get Smriti Irani to take him on presumably without hearing her say: “You want me to contest from Kerala? You realise I’ll get more memes than votes?”, farmers still blame the BJP for their suffering, and actual chowkidars don’t wish the job upon anyone else.
On the money: Additionally, the West continues to be surprised at how corrupt India is around election time and here’s a nice look at how parties use social media effectively (still better than how mutual funds use them).
Vote is it good for…: In any case, now would be a good time for us Urban Elites/Naxals/Poor to put the jingoism and bias aside, critically analyse how the Modi government has done from all sources. To start, we offer two opposing perspectives on the Modi Years: data-driven analysis by Scroll; and a look back by the pro-Modi Swarajya (yes, it has some decent points but take it with pinch of salt; the article doesn’t mention “lynch”, “Muslim”, “beef”, “communal” even once). Or, you know, if you’re actually voting, just select the best candidate in your constituency on their merit.
Other news from India
Incen-diary: It’s the scandal you won’t hear much of, because well it implicates the cleanest party in IndiaTM of large-scale corruption. According to the report, the income tax department found the diary of BS Yeddyurappa in which he has documented payouts to top BJP leaders to the tune of Rs 1,800 crore in 2009. Yeddy for his part has called it a fake report, but the Opposition will look upon this like a gift they can bang on about during the election season—a diary milk, if you will.
Happy-hazard: India is the world’s 140th happiest country (or … 16th most miserable). More people should just have a toke and subscribe to TTS. Anyway, Sharmaji ka beta is Finland (and all his Nordic buddies). Oh well, at least our kids have less to study—what with caste struggles being erased from history textbooks? More revisionism than revision, we guess.
Gurgoon: A Muslim family in Gurgaon was apparently beaten up by 20-25 men and asked to go to Pakistan because some children played cricket in a vacant plot. The only thing that surprises us is how such stories are not even shocking anymore.
Around the World
Bo Boeing Bone: Those two planes crashed because Boeing made a critical security patch an optional extra, as if it were an elective in a 2nd year MBA class. Jeez. To complete the airline turd news of the week, Lion Air tried to force victims’ families to sign a deal giving them Indonesia’s bare minimum compensation and no way of taking legal action against the company. Wah.
Extradi(amontaire)te: Aw, Nirav Modi got arrested in London and is now in one of Britain’s most crowded jails. But hey, this kind of dense crowding pressure is how carbon turns into diamond in the first place.
How I Met Your EU: Ok, Brexit started off being funny and providing comic relief, but now everyone just wants the damn thing to end. But with a deadline extension, it’s the equivalent of seeing Ted Mosby yammer on for another season. Thankfully, this is just two weeks. Even the British public have had enough, an official petition to revoke the divorce now has 4 million signatures—though May has rejected it.
Syrius Black: Apparently ISIS has been defeated in Syria. No need to celebrate, their influence around the world is strong, and Syria has the most evil man on the planet for a president.
Raising the Barr: The big news from 'Murica? Robert Mueller has finally finished his report on the Russia investigation. He’s released it only to the Attorney-General, William Barr, who can choose what he wants to do with it. Next week should be fun. Some good news for a country which has people dying in custody, potential floods, and a President who is indeed number one (only in Facebook ad spends).
Bang for the buck: 47 people were killed in a factory explosion in China. Who cares about employee safety and welfare as long as the trains run on time and our cell phones are cheap?
Tech
Game on: YouTube’s launched Stadia, a new gaming platform where all you need is their controller. You don’t need a console—all the games are on the cloud. Nifty!
Food stuff: There is now a restaurant unicorn. (This is different from a unicorn restaurant, which would serve some magical but socially unacceptable meat.) Here we’re talking about … Y’know. Selling kale with machine learning and all.
Baby steps: The FDA approved a drug to treat postpartum depression. It’s still quite expensive though, but a welcome step in the right direction.
Buck EU!: One more billion dollar fine for Google from the EU. It probably makes sense for them to just pay it off rather than waste time fighting it, given how much they make.
Reverse psycho-logy: Whatsapp is testing tech to reverse-image-search to prevent hoaxes from spreading.
Plain awful: Facebook apparently stored its users’ passwords in plain text, which means it was technically accessible by its employees.
Our Weird World
Cheesy music: Forget playing classical music to kids in the womb, if you want better cheese, play it hip-hop (yes, it = cheese).
We will build a wall...: Cops in New York caught a Trump-loving graffiti artist by … building a fake wall and ambushing the spray can-happy doofus.
Mera comments section jal raha hai: Join in the joy of reading the YouTube comments about the Modi biopic.
LinkedOut
The best things we read this week, feat. a whole lot of awesome New Zealand
Meet all the people who were killed in New Zealand’s horrific shooting. Read. Be thankful you’re alive. They’re all people like us.
In an age of strongmen politicians thriving on hate and division—thank goodness for New Zealand’s Jacinda Ardern, and her calm and practical approach to the recent shooting. Semi-automatic guns are now banned.
No, seriously, New Zealand, take a bow.
Liberal America’s favourite new superhero: Robert Mueller.
We end with two cartoonists. First, a really nice article about Nathan Pyle’s Strange Planet. Second, a beautiful drawing by Aussie Pat Campbell.
That’s it for this week. Don’t forget to share this cheerful newsletter with your friends to make them smile/this dark newsletter with people you don’t particularly like to darken their mood (choose as appropriate). If you’d like to send us feedback you can find us on Twitter (Chuck | Tony) or email us. Until next week, imagine pleasant nonsense. Bye!