The Third Slip: Issue 101 - War-ranty period
Hello, Slippers! Welcome to The Third Slip, the weekly newsletter that’s like the stray strand of grey in your early 30s facial hair - it definitely does not represent the majority and makes you uncomfortable, but you are able just weed it out and forget about it quickly because it’s not that significant.
This is issue 101. 101, of course, is the course that states the bare basic obvious truths for anyone not familiar with a new subject, which puts us in the best position and is in line with the expertise behind the authors of The Third Slip who are two bumbling 30 somethings still firmly in chrysalis. That doesn’t stop us from shying away from stating universal truths that are fairly obvious, but for some reason, not common sense - like saying, war of any kind is stupid. But don’t take our word for it, ask Rudyard Kipling an early war supporter who lost his son to one and ended up writing “If any question why we died, Tell them, because our fathers lied.”
A Patreon on our back: Before we start with the news, there were quite a few winners from our surprise treasure hunt last week - one where we secretly hid a Patreon donate link to support TTS in the underbelly that’s churning out verbal diarrhoea. The unexpected support from you guys after a 100 issues, means that we’re emboldened now to ask you to support us upfront - sign up to what our amount suits you on our Patreon link. We are whelmed by your support so far, we'd love to be overwhelmed. On with the news...
At home
Jingo was his name oh!: It’s been a week since the Pulwama attack (a second one also, tragically, happened), and we’re proud to say lots of progress has been made… On the jingoism front. Even the Congress - who promised not to politicise the issue - went back to its old ways after being tired of how the BJP has been politicising the issue. The UNSC condemned the attack, and the army is starting to look aggressive and nutjobs are attacking Kashmiris across the country.
What’s Hindi for ‘scapegoat’? Bakery: The common Indian man is angry at Pakistan. So, what does he do? Why, attack Karachi Bakery in Bangalore, of course! The seemingly less crazy (this is now a very weird scale) are asking for India to boycott the match against Pakistan in the world cup later this year - thereby showing them, by giving them 2 free points and helping them qualify for the semi-final stages. Thankfully, legends of the game like Tendulkar and Gavaskar said we must play and defeat them. And we know they’re 100% right because Arnab thinks they’re 100% wrong.
History is always written by the evictors: The economy of a country can be called ‘developing’ when its courts give a nod to clear forests to enable capitalist growth. But wait, we’re also very conscious of the world we inhabit, okay? So we will evict almost 20 lakh tribals from forests to protect the environment because LOL, where do they have corporate lawyers?
Stand up comedy: And what happens if you do stand up for the weak and the marginalised in the country? Why you get ‘interrogated’, of course. This week, it’s Dalit Scholar Anand Teltumbde in relation to the Elgar Parishad case. “Hey waiter, who I will never tip despite seeming woke on social media, please note my Zomato Gold Unlock. I need at least another two single malts to get over the distressing news”
Phone bill overdue: Does anyone care that Anil Ambani could go to jail? Not for Rafale, but for not paying dues to Ericsson? Let history remember him as the stalwart who surrendered meekly in one case and was bullish about planes in another - no doubts on which side of the fight or flight debates he lands on.
Double ticked off: Hmm, will India make Whatsapp stop encryption in the name of monitoring… We mean... safety? Never thought we’d be on the side of bigoted uncles of India, but hey free speech trumps everything else. Back off, GOI. Come on, Rajesh uncle, tell us why aluminium vessels are dangerous.
Around the World
Cardinal sin: In a landmark summit which acknowledged the problem of child abuse and violence against women by men of the Catholic cloth, Pope Francis, the wokest pontiff of all time (which is as easy as being the most hygienic engineering student of all time - the bar is fairly low), laid out what he claims would be concrete measures to tackle the shameful issue that’s been haunting the world’s largest religious organisation. Even as cardinals admit that knowledge of such abuse is systematically destroyed across the Catholic church, one hopes that the acceptance of the dirtiest secret is the first step towards putting an end to the years of disgrace.
Hi A/S/Oil please?: Saudi Arabia is being given a look of disapproval by the West for killing a journalist, so it needs new friends who won’t mind such behaviour. Hence a trip to China, India, and Pakistan. Like the last mentioned country - they’re in deep economic shite, and the Murderer Prince doled out $20b. Ah, imagine a world where there was no oil…
No, clear power: Did we say the West is throwing shade at Saudi? Sorry, we meant Trump is happily giving confidential nuclear technology so they have plants all over the country. (Meanwhile, “WTF” - rest of USA)
EUnity: The idea of a ‘European Army’ looks more likely. Especially since Trump’s so anti-Europe and UK can’t decide whether they wanna stay or go. That might be useful to counter all that anti-Semitism doing the rounds.
Referundone: Speaking of “EUnity”, the Brexit deadline is just about a month away and nobody knows what’s going to happen, but Britain’s pretty screwed anyway. Unless Theresa May does the courageous thing and calls the whole thing off.
Wall-street journal: Trump declared an emergency to build his Wall, so 16 states sued him. (States can sue?!) He also really, really wants to derail the Russia investigations (hey, common knowledge needs a 10,000-word NYT report) and really really thinks he deserves a Nobel for talking with North Korea’s Kim again. Hey, but at least Trump’s pushing countries to decriminalize homosexuality (wonder what Mike Pence, super conservative bozo who will become Prez if Trump’s impeached, thinks about that). Also, wait, what, the Mueller probe could wrap up next week?!
Tech
Put a pin in it: There’s a lot of talk right now about conspiracy theories spreading: Like how YouTube helps flat-earth-believers organize and there are anti-vaccination FB groups (thanks to whom, Measles is spreading again). Pinterest has a novel idea: Just block certain problematic searches. Will one of the blocked searches be “Why should there be limits on free speech?”
Points at the net: Digital advertising > Print + TV in the US. The only reason this is surprising is - it took this damn long?! And if you guessed Google and Facebook, you’re right. But Amazon is surely catching up soon and they’re likely to dominate for a long time to come. Kind of like the Federer, Nadal, Djokovic situation now.
Flipping crazy: Dang, have you checked out Samsung’s Folding phone & Galaxy S10? (1 TB?!). If you still want your fix of mobile, The World Mobile Congress is happening in Barcelona and there are some really weird things out there.
Yeh to Muskil hai: This week in Musk Prediction We Can Ignore - Self-driving cars by 2020. Sure. Speaking of which, SpaceX launched the first private spacecraft that will land on the moon, made by an Israeli company!
LinkedOut
“Hmm, I wonder if emoji is being used in court cases more” - asked nobody ever, but here’s the answer.
Yep, Twitter needs groups.
Hmm, so Europe is in the mood for some socialism, eh?
There is an upcoming Netflix series on it called Unbelievable, but here’s the original Pulitzer winning piece ‘An unbelievable story of rape’
While we comfortably live in our own filter bubbles, it’s important to try and become a less biased version of ourselves. Here’s how.
And finally, in case there were any doubts, Amit Varma tells us why India must keep playing cricket with Pakistan
That’s it for this week. If you enjoyed reading this, subscribe to the newsletter and we’ll see you every Sunday till the apocalypse strikes. But before that, support us on Patreon. If you’d like to find us on the interwebz, we are on Twitter (Chuck | Tony). Until next week, may the wonderfully random universe conspire to bring you an improbably pleasant surprise. Bye!