The Third Slip: Issue 195 - Jungle bills, jungle bills, jungli all the way
by Chuck & Tony
Hello, Slippers! Welcome to The Third Slip - the weekly newsletter that’s like your Christmas tree at home. Each time you pull it out, it looks less impressive than before, but it periodically cheers you up once you’re invested in it. Does that ring a jingle bell to you? No? We will ask Santa to put you on the naughty list okay? Play along no?
This is issue 195. 195, of course, is CXCV in Roman numerals - a tribute to the amount of CtrlXCtrlV we do to create this newsletter. We are but magpies of curiosity, collecting twigs and leaves from here and there to create a safe nest for wretched news from around the world…
At Home
Tis the season to forget reason, and ram through some jungli bills and laws no? Jingle bliss is a western construct anyway.
The Kissan Jam
Off the rails: The protests went mainstream this week with international media sitting up and taking notice. Speaking of which, farmers have made it known that Godi media isn’t welcome. Farmers are refusing to back down, and have let Amit Shah (who is apparently a farmer as per his declaration) know that nothing short of a repeal of all laws is going to satisfy them. More bandhs are likely to follow, even as farmers from Rajasthan plan another protest.
The devil is in the details
Illustration by Harini Kannan
Meanwhile, Union Railway Minister Piyush Goyal, much like an uncle occupying your reserved seat in a train and eating medu vadas, has been quick to allege that Maoist elements have infiltrated the protests. Unless...
Not farm-fetched: You might be wondering if farmers are overreacting - after all, this fairly lefty newsletter itself has admitted farm reform might not be a bad idea, so here are some farmers themselves explaining why the new laws will hurt them, and benefit Modi’s industrial chums, mostly Ambani & Adani. Maybe that explains why farmers have been burning their Jio SIM cards. It’s a fitting end to the boycott season with one that actually matters (remember Swiggy?)
But what stage of outrage grief is the bhakt camp in?
Sat sri tatkal: IRCTC has been sending a 47 page booklet titled “‘PM Modi and his government’s special relationship with Sikhs” to anyone with the surname Singh in their database. Yes, yes. Seriously. Oh, and the conception of an ideal farmer has been defined
Meanwhile, Sealioning has started again in earnest on our timelines. Stand by for an explainer video from the greatest genius of our times, J Sai Deepak. Then the game will be over for all you liberals.
Unions to jack: So… What’s likely to happen? Andy Mukherjee has a few suggestions for the PM (however, he used the word ‘compromise’, so don’t get your hopes up). Interestingly, farmer groups say it’s time we speak up for each other - meaning academics, political prisoners… You know, the usual adorable bunch of anti-nationals.
All your base are belong to us: Fittingly, the PM himself invoked Guru Nanak while ignoring the farmers and laying down the foundation stone for a needless new parliament building (if this is gonna be a thing, check if he invokes Prophet Mohd during the next… Ok, never mind).
Strike Two
The Indian Medical Association called for a nationwide doctor strike, protesting the government’s proposal to allow AYUSH doctors to perform allopathic surgery. Here’s why it’s a bad idea to begin with (pro-tip: if you’re going to go under the knife and see the anesthetist moving in with a cup of gaumutra, run).
Meat us halfway, no?
Meanwhile, in a week where researchers found that the Indus Valley civilisation had a diet with a dominance of meat, the Karnataka government passed a stringent law, amid ruckus in the assembly, banning the slaughter of all cattle including buffaloes and the like. What’s more, the law will also encourage “cow vigilantes” to step up and harass anyone they see fit under the protection of law. Much like “love jihad” in UP.
Other things happening around the country
TRAI to connect to the net: Finally, 3 years after it was first proposed, the Cabinet has cleared a nation-wide public Wifi network rollout. This could go either way - the ‘educated masses’ of Idea ads, or more fake-news-fuelled outrage of IT Cell recruitment pamphlets. We’ll try to be optimistic.
WB to WC: State elections are happening in West Bengal, where the Trinamool is fighting the BJP. The latter has no qualms re-invoking the trending topic of last December, the CAA-NRC. Overall, there are spats, actual fights and ugly scenes. Basically, common decency is going to the toilet in another state election where the BJP is involved. But who built that toilet? Huh? Huh?!
Misinformation sells, via IT Cells: Facebook India’s profit zooms.
AndhraX: There’s a mysterious illness in Andhra Pradesh and no, we don’t mean shady engineering colleges. Gulp.
What’s your Zodiac sign? Libra-ndu: What’s going up? Petrol prices. What’s going down? In-hand salary. Work-life balance.
Let’s take a quick look at what’s happening around the world...
Deal or no deal: 4 years after the intelligent British public chose to sever ties with their largest trading partner, they’re finally getting their freedom. It’s less “graceful exit with head held high, teaching the world nobody can mess with the British” and more “slipping on banana peel, sliding out the door, crashing crotch-first into a hydrant and passing out drunk before being escorted out by an EU official”. Here’s what a no-deal Brexit means.
Joe bole so nihal: Joe’s presidency increasingly looks like a done thing, as even the Supreme Court is rejecting lawsuits to overturn election results. What’s Trump up to? Many things domestically and internationally, but his aim is a simple one - make his predecessor’s life difficult. Good thing then, that the latter is busy appointing shockingly competent people in key positions.
Angela and demons: Despite many differences, the EU somehow managed to pass a landmark pandemic aid package. (differences = Hungary & Poland acting like turds) (somehow = Merkel)
Unfriending
Republicans & Democrats have argued on many things, but one thing they can agree on is that Big Tech is getting out of control. This week, lawsuits were filed and everyone wants Facebook broken up. Everyone but FB itself, of course. Expect a nice long fight ahead as Zuck and his cronies remain shocked at why everyone hates them.
Other things
Peaking our curiosity: Mount Everest is now 2 feet taller (29,031.69 feet above sea level) according to new survey findings released by Nepal and China. Do you need any further proof that our system is broken where the rich keep getting richer? Is this the hill we want to die on?
Fact shaming: For the first time in history, human-made materials now likely outweigh all life on Earth.
D-monetisation: China’s rolling out a Digital Yuan, in a bid to move away from cash and get more people into the financial fold. Ok, that sounds familiar, but… Wait, they’ve been trialing it for 5 years and not given a 2-hour heads up?! What nonsense, how will it ever work now? Doomed.
Move with the times: Breakdancing, skateboarding, sport climbing, and surfing are coming to the Olympics. Cricket, meanwhile, is only for professionals. The allegations that this was done purposely to make Sreesanth switch careers is baseless.
All in flavour? Say AI: A black female employee looking into ethics and responsibility in the usage of AI? Wow, that has “you’ll soon be fired” written all over it. Google now says it will investigate the circumstances that led to Timnit Gebru’s exit. Ah, Google. Remember when you were once not evil?
Virus
A shot at the bard: In the UK, a 90-year old woman was the first to be vaccinated, administered by a Filipino nurse. The second, was a chap called - yes - William Shakespeare.
Vaccine and waning: Cases in the US surge even as Europe’s crushing the second wave. To put things in perspective, the States lost more people in 1 day to the virus than on 9/11. Meanwhile,China trying its best to deflect blame and do vaccine diplomacy
Mere AAP, pehle baap: As the discussion moves to vaccines, there are debates about who should get the shot first (For example, politicians getting it first is jumping the queue or setting an example?) (also, this is not the “politicians got shot” we were expecting in 2020)
Feeling bullish: At home, the Serum Institute says it can start vaccinations by Jan if they get authorization. And India’s bull semen transportation industry (!!!) is ready to help.
LinkedOut: Some great reads we came across this week
This critical review of the Amazon Halo band, from the Bezos-owned Washington Post.
TIME’s person of the year: Biden/Harris. Businessperson of the year: Eric Yuan of Zoom.
And that’s almost all for issue 194!Say hello to the authors on Instagram (Chuck | Tony), Twitter (Chuck | Tony), or by replying to this email. Until next week, may you find a way to make your jokes land without fixing them or crashing like Hansie Cronje.
Such a fun read! Though your signing off ep 195 with saying it's ep 194 was confusing/sly trick to see if your audience has all our marbles intact!! Also as you did Saeed Anwar for 194, was half expecting a mention of Viru Sehwag's 195 to be the tag line.. Cheers!