The Third Slip: Issue 194 - We have no branches
by Chuck & Tony
Hello, Slippers! Welcome to The Third Slip - the weekly newsletter that’s like a tree with its roots firmly in the ground - we’re so down to earth that the only place we can go is up, ability to create fodder out of light things, and the talent to consume harmful gases and turn them into a breath of fresh air. But it’s a tree that’s one of its kind - we have no branches. Much like the Indian democracy...
This is issue 194. 194, of course, is a painful reminder to cricket fans in India of Saeed Anwar smashing us to pieces to chalk up a record that would only be broken 13 years later by Sachin Tendulkar’s 200. But, we strategically delayed issue 194 till 6th December 2020 when Hardik Pandya smashed a winning six of 19.4 to secure yet another T20 series win against Australia in Australia. Okay, sorry. Now the news…
At Home
Why are we like Indian Democracy? Well, neither of us has any live branches. Let’s take a look at how the Legislature, Executive, Judiciary, and Media are faring in India.
Legislature & Executive: Make war, not Law...
Farmerville
So much has been happening with the farmer protests so here’s a rough timeline:
Farm bill is temporary, lack of class is permanent: A few months ago, the government rammed through a new set of farm laws. In spirit, it is not the worst thing (agri was in bad need of reform) but in a democracy, you can’t push through laws like Rashid Khan slips in a googly. TBH, our overlords didn’t exhibit any such grace. They did it with the finesse of an engineering student sliding into his crush’s DMs - through a voice vote amidst parliamentary ruckus! Add the fact that our heroes aren’t exactly known for their implementation skills, and don’t have any trust among farmers.
Deify v/s Defy: So a bunch of farmers from Punjab, a state that’s always defied the BJP (anti-nationals!) came to Delhi in the hope to have a discussion. They were greeted with tear-gas and water cannons. Again, that point about trust…
Fact shaming: The predictable followed. Impasse. Police brutality leading to this iconic photo. Amit Malviya having the distinction of being the first Indian to earn a Twitter ‘manipulated media’ warning. Bhakts saying farmers are anti-national. Kangana saying equally horrible shit for which she got a legal notice from the Sikhs, and a takedown by singer Diljit Dosanjh and some other prominent Punjabis. Those anti-nationals!
Put a sock in it: Dammit international ambassador of fun socks and Canada’s Prime Minister Justin Trudeau spoke out in support of farmers despite “I will tell to miss” warnings from India. That international anti-national!
Sikh and not tired: Sikhs, being Sikhs, cheerfully cooked for each other, drove away godi media, and thanked Modi for uniting farmers everywhere. And indeed, that might happen as there is a kissan-led Bharat Bandh happening on Dec 8. Yaar so many deshdrohis!
Blanket ban: Meanwhile, Diljit not just joined the protest, he quietly donated a crore for getting the farmers blankets. That anti… Okay, you know.
Where does all this go? Who knows? How Modi reacts will dictate future politics and perhaps even his legacy - you know since none of the horrible things he’s done so far seems to stick.
I wanna Swiggy wiggy with you boy: Side story - A little respect for the people who get us our food might not be a bad thing. Unless you’re a bhakt of course, as one of them sagaciously pointed out on Twitter, they don’t need farmers, they can order food from Swiggy. Said food delivery’s Twitter handle sent back an epic reply, leading to… Predictably… Boycott!!!
This farmer protest story gives us the best of India and the worst of India all at once.
Love, not kush: The first arrest made using the new love jihad rules. This for a rule that’s based on a conspiracy theory. Are you not entertained?
Judiciary: Don’t get all judgmental okay?
Insanitary Planes: Another jobless law student fired off another contempt of court case which was upheld by the VERY HONORABLE Attorney General, this time against Rachita Taneja who runs Sanitary Panels. How dare she say this against THE UNESCO CERTIFIED GREATEST COURT IN THE WORLD.
Sigh, as Harini Kannan tells us, more power to Sanitary Panels.
Well, we won’t say much more...
4th branch, or is it pillar?: Frankly Media, I don’t give a damn
Shortly after HuffPost India shut down, the Mumbai Mirror (and Pune Mirror) shut shop as well citing economic reasons. Meanwhile, check the latest proclaimed TRP ratings to see what media in India is doing well. It is so bad that the Editors Guild of India had to issue an advisory asking “media” to stop calling protesting farmers terrorists. High time we started supporting independent media.
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Chuck: Wah, lovely placement da!
Tony: Thanks da! All your blessings only. Even Kohli is playing the scoop shot now thanks to ABd.
Other things
Honey, I shrunk the economy less than I thought I did: Heyyyy so remember that time we thought the economy shrank 9.5%? Turns out it’s only 7.5%. It’s not a silver lining as much as finding one white hair when you thought you were bald. India is still the worst hit among major economies and just like the US, the divide is clear: The stock market hit new highs, while small businesses suffer. The RBI had a busy week - scolding HDFC Bank for their outage issues (outage outrage?) and holding rates steady which our smart friends tell us means it’s prioritizing growth.
Kids, I shrunk the honey: Apparently, according to an investigation by The Centre for Science and Environment, almost every honey brand sold in India is adulterated, and not really honey. Un-honey ko honey karde honey ko un-honey...
Party animal: While most people have a party on Dec 31, Rajini will launch one then. Political, that is.
Atmanirbark is worse than its bite: As a result of Make in India, the army doesn’t have enough warships.
Uber cool: The government has told ride-hailing companies to cap commissions at 20% and surge pricing at 1.5x. Hard to pick a side here, given Uber’s not done its image any favours of late with that whole we-don’t-give-a-shit-about-drivers ruling in the US. So… Um, well done?
This cute little Uttarakhand bridge to help reptiles cross. <3
Let’s take a quick look at what’s happening around the world...
Turning over a new leaf: Good week for fans of the sweet leaf. The US House passed a bill decriminalizing weed, but it’s likely to get killed in the Senate. Over at the UN, the majority of the world’s countries (including India!) voted that it doesn’t deserve the ‘most dangerous’ tag. Don’t hope to find a dispensary too soon, though - that is still a long way away, but hey, something positive, we guess.
Other less high *giggle* up on our priority:
UNhappy: Those perpetual whiners, the UN, says humans are waging war on nature. Look at the positives yaar the Sensex and NASDAQ are at all time highs!
Emmanuel Transmission: France’s Macron’s tolerant / liberal image is taking a beating after missteps (singling out Islam after the attacks, and when cops were caught beating up blacks)
Sauvignon down under: China levied unnecessarily high taxes on Aussie wine. So the rest of the world’s leaders are showing solidarity. So... drinking wine to stick it up to China? Sure. Cheers, we say.
Murg Lab-abdar: If you thought “cultured chicken” was just Foghorn Leghorn on a date, you’ve got another think coming. Lab-grown chicken meat was approved for sale in Singapore, a government first. Yay towards a more sustainable cuisine, then!
Gimme some space: China’s been busy. A spacecraft of theirs reached the moon (first since 1976!), their cronies in Hong Kong jailed the founder of a pro-democracy newspaper. They’ve been so busy NATO met on how to deal with them (and pals Russia). Also in China, an intern took on a celebrity anchor in a #MeToo case
Dynamite! Imagine your music getting so popular your country passes a law excusing stars of the genre from mandatory conscription! The BTS Law in South Korea is just that.
Fraudian slip: And finally, over in ‘Murica, even Trump’s loyal Attorney General, William Barr, says there was no election fraud (guess how Trump reacted). Kinda like Bhakts admitting that there’s no GPS chip in the 2000 rupee note. Meanwhile, “Bribery for pardon scheme” is the best business idea Trump probably ever had.
Diversity Index: The Nasdaq proposed that all companies listed on it should have at least 2 board members who are not straight, white men.
Tech & Stuff
#general: So the big ‘un this week was Salesforce buying Slack, the loved-and-hated office chat tool. While most people lauded this and the former’s founder Marc Benioff is generally seen as a good guy, this sale further shows that Big Tech still pretty much dominates and it’s impossible for young companies to get big without support. Speaking of which, at home, the Tata Group might buy BigBasket and Republic TV is in talks to buy The Third… Okay we can’t keep a straight face sorry.
Other things:
Upper case: FB’s oversight board is hearing its first cases. Exciting!
Not just Covid: Alzheimer's now has a blood test, though it’s not got FDA approval yet.
This is my Eve-rest: Airbnb’s measures to prevent New Year’s Eve party-based Covid spreads
Free shipping: Singapore’s Covid-free cruise to nowhere is the happiest and saddest thing from 2020 all at once.
That’s a whopper!: Burger King’s IPO in India was oversubscribed 156.6 times, making it the second largest subscription in 2020. It was just short of the largest subscription because the order opted for Diet Cola along with a cheeseburger and fries.
Virus
A shot in the arm: Britain is the first to get ready to roll out the Pfizer vaccine and India has the largest order in the world - 1.6 billion - enough to ensure herd immunity (though inequality & last mile remains a worry). Meanwhile, there are no plans for universal vaccination just yet - 30 crore vulnerable folks should get the vaccine first.
Waving goodbye: Japan, HK, South Korea are constantly fighting (and mostly winning) as new waves of surges keep coming. Meanwhile Covid-tackling robots are becoming very popular in India.
LinkedOut: Some great reads we came across this week
Everyone’s on mute, don’t worry. Even CEOs forget to unmute.
Now for something slightly different: A twitter thread in cartoons on the bizarre history of cannabis in India
We stick to the theme of something different with an Instagram series on Bullshit jobs in China. (We’ve linked to Part 1 of an 8 part series)
And that’s almost all for issue 194! Say hello to the authors on Instagram (Chuck | Tony), Twitter (Chuck | Tony), or by replying to this email. Until next week, may you chance upon an organic reason to flip your keyboard to dark mode.