Issue 191 - Pfizer jaadu dala re
The Third Slip by Chuck & Tony
Hello, Slippers! Welcome to The Third Slip - the weekly newsletter that’s like the Pfizer covid vaccine. It makes the headlines but is not commercially available, it is 90% effective, it does not have a great supply chain, and is best preserved in cold storage. And let’s face it, it’s only the second-best way to stay healthy. The best way, still, is to avoid all human contact.
This was a week that in John Oliver’s words was a reverse 9/11 because a huge news item led to celebrations in New York. We couldn’t believe that he missed out on the fact that it actually happened on 9th November. And, of course, 11/9 is literally a reverse 9/11. And so, this issue is an anagram of 9/11 and 11/9. Welcome to issue 191. Here’s what happened this week...
At Home
Picking up stimulus
Like an engineering student pouring Old Monk into a large bottle of Thums Up to avoid attention, the government released a fresh stimulus package on the back of the news that India had entered a technical recession. We assume it’s good because neither Scroll nor The Wire wrote a ‘Why Sitharaman’s stimulus does more harm than good’ type op-ed (clearly, our research process needs to improve). But anyway, there are lots of provisions for growth and hiring so one criticism is that it’s more likely to help India tomorrow than today. Also, renowned PPT maker McKinsey reckons the country can double manufacturing output.
Bail Puri
Another fun week with the judiciary. Arnab, who spent a week in jail, was rightly let off on bail by the Supreme Court who suddenly found its constitutional duty and supported personal liberty. Our favourite anti-national, Kunal Kamra, went off on one of his rants and was promptly charged with contempt of court by our sentiment-keeper-in-chief, the Attorney-General. We should really have a device that measures how thin-skinned we are as a nation. It can be called the senti-meter. The charge though led Kamra to post what might be our favourite post of the year.
Netf***
So all online news and OTT platforms are under the I&B now. Does this mean all shows will be censored? Does this mean YouTube and Twitter are under the radar? Does the inclusion of online publications mean that dissenting voices like ours will be quasGOVERNMENT IS THE GREATEST BMKJ GAU MUTRA REALLY WORKS only time will tell.
Left to their own devices
The exit polls got it very wrong. Yes, the NDA won in Bihar. Despite the migrant crisis. Good welfare schemes clubbed with optics works really well. But what really helps is a dead Congress. Their underperformance meant that a stellar run by partners RJD wasn’t enough. Interestingly, the Left won 12/19 seats it contested. Who said Kolkata, Bihar and Kerala have nothing in common!
Divided States of America: US and Dem
We’ll try to keep this short. Less Trump hopefully means less news. Biden legit won. Trump (and acolytes) refuse to concede despite officials saying this was the most secure election in history. World leaders & businesses have moved on, congratulating the President-Elect (and heaving a global sigh of relief). Even FOX News (which is to Trump what this newsletter is to bad puns) is moving on. In confidence, aides know he has no chance of retaining office so are just playing along and maybe even trying to limit the housewrecking he can do before leaving. Biden’s just ignoring Trump (best strategy!) and carrying on, though the many divisions within his party means he’s not going to have it easy. Finally, on Sunday, Trump kind of admitted that Biden won, but maintained that the election was rigged.
For now, let’s just enjoy the social media moment that Four Seasons Total Landscaping is having - you need to see this, and it’s just the perfect ending to a shambolic presidency.
Other stuff happening in this blue blob of ours
Pantanal Panic: The world’s largest wetland, in South America, is on fire. No, that’s not good. Yes, a nutjob politician is largely to blame.
Baku Off: A long war between Armenia & Azerbaijan finally ends, but like a potential Harbhajan-Sreeshant meeting, things are pretty tense. And the words ‘Putin’ and ‘Turkey’ are being mentioned too many times for comfort.
Hang Kong: China takes further steps to remove whatever democracy was left in Hong Kong.
$ingle$ Day: The largest ecomm day in the world - China’s Singles Day - saw a record-breaking $100b in sales, even as delivery workers protested wages.
Scott off guard: Let’s enjoy the supremely ironic moment when the Australian PM manterrupted a question directed at a female aide about gender bias.
Sea you: A remote set of islands are going to be declared the latest ocean sanctuary (meaning: Officially - humans, hands off)
SpaceX is about to launch its first crewed mission to space!
Kiwileaks: And for all those of you who thought New Zealand was a liberal paradise where nothing ever goes wrong, sorry to burst your bubble. Their bird of the year competition has seen voter fraud. This is the biggest controversy the country has seen since Nathan Astle forgot to say “thank you” to an emu during a zoo visit.
Virus update
Kyu Pfizer Pfizer karti hai tu...
The big news this week was that Pfizer’s vaccine looks very promising. However, the results are yet to be peer-reviewed, and it needs cold storage, which will be a big issue for countries like India. And of course, Russia/North Korea are attempting to hack vaccine efforts, the former probably to push their own. Now that vaccine development is nearing its end, the global question is around distribution. This has always been a problem, and will be exacerbated now as rich countries have snapped up most of the supply. Let’s anyway take a minute to applaud the rockstars that is the Serum Institute of India.
Counting the clock down
In the US, numbers are nearing 200k cases a day. And though things look better by comparison at home, a winter-and-festive-season-fuelled second wave seems imminent. Thankfully, we’re following science, and logistics firms are ramping up for cold storage. BTW, Collins Dictionary’s Word Of The Year is ‘lockdown’. Which shows what a bubble we live in, the authors made a bet it’d be either ‘zoom fatigue’ or ‘virtual concerts’.
In the world of technology
ntel (because there’s no i in Intel anymore): We have a vaccine that might solve a global pandemic, but that’s not what’s got Mactards excited - Apple debuted computers with the first chips designed in-house. We guess that’s important.
Save the data: EU hits Amazon with antitrust charges. How annoying for poor Mr. Bezos, it’s like a guy can’t use third-party seller data to understand trends, quickly build a competing product without needing to do any of the research and experimentation. Bah!
Photosynthesis sort of in the sys: McDonald’s now has an alt-meat burger called the McPlant with a plant-based patty which it will roll out in the US. This probably marks the moment in the sun for plant-based meat.
That’s the way the cookie crumbles: Google might have to spin off Chrome. Here’s how that might impact… Stuff.
LinkedOut
On how Cadbury is beloved in India
The story of a nameless hiker known as Mostly Harmless is one the internet can’t crack. (Coming soon to a Serial like podcast?)
How the pandemic is revealing an unconventional form of national power - resilience.
That’s all for this week. If you’d like, you can get in touch: Instagram (Chuck | Tony), Twitter (Chuck | Tony), email. And again, if you REALLY like us and can afford to, consider supporting us on UPI, Instamojo or Patreon. Until next week, may you receive a stimulus package of dark coffee and light conversation. Bye!